Then it was real...

It has been a while since I wrote anything, but I have been reading a lot of the blogs. I had my health in check or so I thought. I ate well, rested, took vitamins and took care of myself when I was ill but I still couldn't stop my CD4 count from dropping. And to think two years ago it increased. Well, last year it dropped so badly that my refusal to start treatment since January 2014 was pointless.

I refused treatment because I feared the side effects especially the mental ones, but in December 2015 I eventually gave up and started treatment. Well I must say the side effects in the first week were terrible but not as bad as I had anticipated. I spent most of the holidays sleeping for fear of exposing myself or something terrible happening.

I prayed hard that I don't have terrible dreams, insomnia or other mental related side effects and thank God I had a few sleepless nights, a few nights of vivid dreams and nothing else. The dizziness on the other hand, oh sweet Lord, it's three weeks later and some nights I walk to the loo holding on to the wall. I have avoided indulging in the festivities of the holidays and eating a lot for fear of puking.

I think in all honesty I'm still scared. What I feared before treatment I still fear even though I've started. I've lost some weight and have had a cough for a few days and alarm bells are going off. What if it's TB, or drug resistance and from what I've read it is still early to tell. However I must admit it's not as bad as I thought or rather read. I'm hoping that in a few weeks I will fear less and be well adjusted.

I guess four years later, it is for real... I'm a young woman living with HIV.

Tags: 

like2

Comments

Good luck

katie06's picture

Good luck! You can do this :)  it's a big step to start meds, but the good news is that they work! 

like2

POSITIVE ENERGY

EriKa_Belize's picture

Starting treatment is always a challenge. A challenge to our hesitation sometimes to be on meds, a challenge to starting a new routine ... one that will be with us for a long time and the fear of side effects. BUT. it's a step in the right direction, a decision you will always be happy and proud to have taken! Sending you positive energy and hugs, may your adjustment be smooth and your recovery speedy!

like1

Blog themes: 

Do you get our newsletter?

admin's picture

Sign up for our monthly Newsletter and get the latest info in your inbox.

seventh name

giftmaker's picture

giftmaker commented on Sex After HIV

Wed, 1/17/2018 - 6:49pm

Angel S.'s picture

Angel S. commented on Intro - Prizila

Mon, 1/15/2018 - 4:02pm

Surviving HIV Over the Long Term: The Past, Present, and the Future (Part 1 of 2) is the 4th webinar in the 2016 WATCH! series.

Learn about your liver's functions, symptoms and tests for liver damage, which HIV drugs affect the liver, and how to keep your liver healthy.

Learn about many options for getting HIV drugs in the US – private insurers, ACA marketplaces, ADAP, Medicaid, Medicare, and more.

Browse Blogs by Theme