Domestic violence can happen to anyone. Tragically, one in four women will be abused during her lifetime. In many parts of the world, this figure rises to over 60 percent.

As a woman with HIV, you may be more at risk than most. It is important to learn about how abuse happens, how to identify it, and how to end it or get away from it.

Domestic violence occurs when a person you are dating, living with, or married to physically injures you. It can involve mild physical harm that is difficult to prove – like pulling hair or twisting flesh. It can also involve actions that leave marks – like hitting, slapping, or beating. Sometimes it can escalate to the use of knives or guns. It can also involve rape or sexual assault (being forced into sexual acts without your consent).

Domestic violence often begins with threats or emotional abuse. While these harmful words or actions may or may not lead to actual physical harm, they can still be very upsetting, scary, and leave long-term emotional scars.

While most domestic violence involves men assaulting women, it can also involve men assaulting their male partners, or women assaulting their male or female partners. Domestic violence is more common in the lesbian community than was formerly believed.

Many women with HIV have a history of being physically or sexually assaulted prior to finding out about their HIV status. Several studies have shown that women with a history of physical and/or sexual abuse are more likely to contract HIV.

Some women become infected with HIV as a direct result of rape or sexual abuse. If a woman uses drugs, alcohol, or sex to escape the pain of prior abuse, she may be at increased risk of getting infected due to shared needles, unprotected sex, or impaired judgment.

Many women with HIV have a history of abusing drugs or alcohol, as well having relationships with other substance abusers. This increases the risk of domestic violence because both partners may have impaired judgment.

A study revealed that over one in five women with HIV had been physically harmed since their diagnosis. Of these, almost half reported that they felt that the physical aggression resulted directly from their HIV status. So even if you never faced domestic violence before, you may encounter it after you find out you have HIV.

Sadly, many women with HIV are sexually or physically assaulted soon after they disclose their HIV status. Minimize this risk with the following:

• Avoid exposing others to HIV without warning them ahead of time. The risk of violence may be greater if a person feels you knowingly put them at risk or lied to them.
• Disclose in a semi-public place like a public park with many people around. It's private enough to have a conversation, public enough to get help if you need it.
• Consider disclosing with a third person present, like a friend or a health professional.
• If you feel at all threatened by the reaction you get, keep meetings public for a few weeks.

There are no guarantees in this world, but you can help minimize your risk for domestic violence:

• Do your homework. To find out information on the person you are dating (such as if he or she has a criminal record), consider doing a background check. There are a number of companies that provide this service for a fee. For a more information, go to: www.inet-investigation.com/free-background-check/index.htm.
• Keep in touch with your support people. Whether it's family, friends, or a support group, don't let your relationship get in the way.
• Deal with your past. If you have been physically or sexually abused in the past, it is important to get help from a mental health professional or a support group. Otherwise, the past can repeat itself.
• Cut your losses. The best time to leave an abuser is the first time it happens. Whatever you do, don't keep giving second chances again and again.
• Stay informed. Learn all you can about domestic violence, even if you think you will never need to know about it.

It is never easy to leave a relationship, even one that involves domestic violence. The key is to have a safety plan.

• Stay safe. Remember that you are most in danger of being hurt or killed as you are leaving or immediately afterward. Make your safety (and that of your children) your top priority.
• Be prepared. If you leave, don't forget your HIV drugs and any other medications you take, medical records, birth certificate, credit cards, checkbook, etc. Assume that anything you leave may end up in the dumpster. It may help to leave an emergency kit with some of these items with a trusted friend, family member, or service provider. If you don’t want to give the name of the person you’re afraid of, you can put it in a sealed envelope and ask them to open it only if you disappear or turn up too injured to identify the person who hurt you.
• Document. Get medical attention if needed and get photos of any injuries that show. Have photos signed and dated by medical or law enforcement personnel if possible. A friend or family member can also sign and date for future evidence.
• Get help. Don't try to do this alone. Go to friends, the police, family, an emergency room, or a local shelter. Call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 800-799-SAFE.

If you become a victim of domestic violence, always remember – it is not your fault. It can happen to anyone. Anyone who physically attacks another person is responsible for his or her actions. The most important thing is to get safe and stay safe.

1		Amaro, H. (1995). Love, sex, and power: Considering women's realities in HIV prevention. American Psychologist, 50 (6). 437-447.
2		Delaney, J., et. al. (1997). History of sexual and physical abuse among HIV-infected women. 4th Conference on Retroviruses and Opportunistic Infections.
3		Gottesman, L. (1999). Making a safety plan. WORLD, 94(5).