Safer sex means using protection whenever you have sex. It is important to practice safer sex whether you are HIV+ or HIV-negative. The best form of protection is a latex condom.

Condoms are available in many places — drug stores, grocery stores, sex shops, community centers, and doctor’s offices. Getting a condom is pretty easy, but getting your guy to actually put one on can be tricky! By understanding the importance of condom use for your physical and emotional well being, learning a little bit about condoms, and planning in advance what to say, you will give yourself a good chance of success when negotiating for condom use with your partner.

Both men and women are at risk for sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs), including HIV, when they have sex without protection. However, HIV is transmitted from men to women much more easily than from women to men.

Women are at greater risk, but there are things that can be done to reduce that risk. This includes using reliable protection every time you have sex (anal or vaginal). A latex condom is a very effective means of protection. In fact, using a latex condom is 20 times safer than not using a condom.

One night of sex can change the rest of your life — and the course of your health. So, whether or not you’re in love with your partner or want to have sex with him again, using a condom is an important part of taking care of yourself and your health.

Using condoms can also help you:

• Feel better about yourself
• Strengthen your relationship
• Take responsibility for your own health
• Prevent other STDs
• Prevent unwanted pregnancies
• Enjoy sex more – if you’re not worrying about getting or giving someone else an STD (including HIV) it can be easier to relax and enjoy the experience

Since you can’t tell if someone has an STD by looking at them and it is possible for someone to have an STD without even knowing it, it is wise to protect yourself.

Safer sex is an important way to prevent new HIV infections. If you are HIV-negative, make sure to use a condom every time to stay that way. If you are HIV+ and your partner is HIV-negative, you should also use a condom to keep your partner from getting infected.

Did you know that if you and your partner are both HIV+, there are still good reasons to practice safer sex by using condoms? Using protection can prevent you from getting a new STD that can weaken the immune system. Infections such as human papillomavirus (HPV), herpes, and hepatitis are major concerns. All these are potentially serious infections in HIV+ people.

Even if you are already HIV+, it is possible to get re-infected with another strain of HIV if your partner is infected (and vice versa). This strain may be more aggressive than your own or it could be resistant to the HIV drugs you are taking. Re-infection could cause your drug regimen to stop working and reduce your treatment options later on. Regardless of HIV status, the best way to protect yourself and your partner is to always use condoms.

When it comes to condoms, you have a choice of two products: the male condom and the female condom.

• The male condom is less expensive, more popular and easier to find.
• The female condom has two rings connected by a latex sheath: one ring is inserted in the vagina and the other one rests outside the entrance to your vagina. You are in control of putting in the female condom and taking it out. You can even put it inside yourself before you plan to have sex, but it would be a good idea to try it out beforehand to see if it’s comfortable for you.

Oral sex carries less risk of HIV transmission than vaginal intercourse, but there is still some risk involved. You can use a condom without lubrication or a dental dam (a square of latex that is placed over the vagina or anus) to make oral sex safer. Dental dams are available at drug stores, online, and at specialty shops that sell sex supplies.

Talking about using condoms can be awkward, especially in the heat of the moment. The good news is there’s a lot you can do to prepare, right now. An important first step is to think about your views on sex, condoms, and relationships.

Spend some time thinking about your answers to these questions and, if you are comfortable, talking about them with a friend.

• What role does sex play in my life?
• Who do I have sex with?
• What am I looking for in a partner?

Next, take some time to think about how you feel about condoms and how you feel about taking risks during sex.

• Have you had sex with a condom?
• Have you had sex without a condom?
• In which situations would you have sex only with a condom?
• What might make you consider sex without a condom?

Once you are clear on what’s important to you, it will be easier to express that to another person.

“Honey, do you have a condom?” Asking your sex partner to use protection can be difficult. But now that you’re equipped with information about yourself and different kinds of condoms, you’re ready to have an honest conversation. Talking about what you need can help strengthen a relationship, in and out of the bedroom.

Plan to have the talk when you’re not on the verge of becoming physically intimate. Think about what you want to say in advance and identify a few scenarios when the conversation could take place. It might be hard to start the discussion the first time, so be prepared with a backup plan.

When it comes time to have the chat, let your partner know that you want to talk about condoms because you care about him and you care about yourself. Be honest about what you are willing to do with a condom and what you don’t want to do without one. Ask your partner how he would feel about different scenarios and think creatively.

If your partner says he doesn’t want to use a condom, you still have options:

• Ask him if he’d be willing to try a female condom
• Forget about negotiating and take matters into your own hands — put a condom on him (with a few drops of lube in the tip) or be ready with a female condom
• Tell him you’d rather not have sex without a condom, and mean it

Try a less risky way of being intimate – such as erotic massage or mutual masturbation

Safer sex is an ongoing process that varies based on your experience and your choice of partner. The goal should always be to use condoms whether you are HIV+ or HIV-negative. Here are some ideas on how you can keep the conversation about condom use going:

• Think of how you would ask a guy to use a condom. Practice some of the lines on your own or with friends, so you’ll be ready to use them when the time comes
• Carry a condom and a dental dam with you, so you’ll be ready for any unexpected sexual situation
• Get some female condoms and try them on. They allow you to initiate condom use. Plus, they’re a good option if your guy complains about male condoms being uncomfortable or restraining
• Read up on the topic

It is always difficult to talk about things like safer sex, especially when you are just getting to know someone. You may be worried that you will lose your partner or potential partner. But keeping yourself and your partner safe has to be your top priority. Even if you have trouble at first asking for what you need, don’t give up. Put yourself and safety first. Remember, you have the right to ask for condom use!

1		Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2003). Incorporating HIV prevention into the medical care of persons living with HIV, Table 5. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly, 52:(RR12): Retrieved September 2006 from http://www.cdc.gov/MMWR/preview/mmwrhtml/rr5212a1.htm.
2		SIECUS. (2002). The truth about condoms fact sheet: Retrieved September 2006 from http://www.siecus.org/pubs/fact/FS_truth_condoms_02.pdf.