HIV is a tough subject for parents, guardians, and caregivers to discuss with their children. However it is important that all families have this discussion. Statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) show that young people between the ages of 15 to 24 account for approximately half of all new HIV infections in the world, and represent almost a third of the total global population living with HIV. These alarming statistics remind parents that they cannot afford to avoid talking with their children about HIV.

Talking to your children about HIV is an opportunity to provide them with facts and dispel myths. Talking about HIV will help your children to develop lifelong values regarding sexual activity and drug use. It is also a chance to develop an open and honest relationship with your children.

Many parents are uncomfortable talking to their children about HIV because they do not have the correct information themselves. Before you talk to your children about HIV, it is important for you to know the facts.

• HIV stands for “Human Immunodeficiency Virus”
• Without treatment, HIV will eventually wear down the immune system in most people to the point that they develop more serious infections
• Many people take powerful and effective combinations of medicinesto fight the virus, however there is no cure for HIV

• AIDS stands for “Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome”
• AIDS is the most advanced stage of HIV infection
• Many people take powerful and effective combinations of medicines to fight the virus, however there is no cure for AIDS

• Someone can be infected with HIV for many years with no signs of disease, or only mild-to-moderate symptoms
• Someone is said to have AIDS when he or she has a substantially-weakened immune system or develops certain opportunistic infections (OIs) common to AIDS

HIV is spread through the following body fluids:

• Blood (including menstrual blood)
• Semen (“cum”) and other male sexual fluids ("pre-cum")
• Vaginal fluids
• Breast milk

HIV is not spread through these body fluids:

• Sweat
• Tears
• Saliva (spit)
• Urine
• Feces

The most common ways HIV is passed from one person to another are:

• Unprotected/unsafe sex (no condoms)
• Re-using and sharing needles (for drug use, piercing, and tattooing)
• Mother-to-child (during pregnancy, delivery, or from infected breast milk)

One of the most important messages you can share with your children is that HIV can be prevented. HIV cannot be transmitted except when certain body fluids are exchanged. Teach your children that they can greatly reduce the risk of transmission by:

• Avoiding contact with sexual fluids by always practicing safer sex (using condoms or other barrier methods)
• Abstaining from sex unless you and your partner are both HIV-negative and in a long-term, monogamous relationship
• Not using injection drugs, or if you do, always using new or clean needles

Tell children that HIV is not transmitted by casual contact such as:

• Being a friend to someone who is HIV +
• Hugs
• Dancing
• Sharing food or drinks
• Using a shower, bath, or bed used by an HIV+ person
• Kissing (between people with no significant dental problems)
• Sharing exercise equipment

Every parent has his or her own style when talking about important subjects. Some parents choose to have a specific time when the family will sit down and formally discuss HIV. They may present pamphlets or other resources to help children to understand the facts.

Other parents take cues from their children and the environment to introduce the subject of HIV. For example they may try to bring up the discussion when their children see or hear something about HIV on TV. Ask what the children have heard and what they know about HIV. This will help you figure out what they already know and what is left for you to explain.

Note: When talking with your children about HIV, questions about death may come up. Explain death in simple terms. Never explain death in terms of sleep. It may make your children worry that if they fall asleep, they'll never wake up. Offer reassurance. Stress that while HIV is serious, it is preventable.

It’s never too early to talk to your children about HIV. In fact, by the third grade, most children have already heard about it. Talking to children about HIV is not a one-time-only conversation. Children will be ready to accept different levels of information at different ages. Talk early and talk often to ensure your children have age appropriate information throughout their childhood.

Toddlers/preschoolers: Children up to age 4 are learning the basics about their bodies. They don’t understand the concepts of disease, death, or sex. However, you can set the stage for future conversations by introducing them to the concept of sexuality by providing the correct names for body parts. Most importantly, however, you want to give young children the message that you’re open to their questions. When they feel they can ask you anything, they’ll be more likely to talk to you as they get older.

School-Age Children: Children 5 to 8 years old are just learning about health, sickness, death, and sex. They can understand that HIV is a serious health problem that is caused by a virus, and that their chances of getting HIV are very small. You don’t have to discuss sex at this age however you can teach children that some body fluids carry infection and should not be exchanged.

Preteens: Children 9 to 12 years old think a lot about their bodies. Tell them now how HIV is spread. Since HIV is commonly spread by sexual contact, now is the time to give your children correct information about sex. Warn them of the dangers of casual and unsafe sex. Let them know that needle or syringe sharing for intravenous drug use, steroid injection, tattooing, or body piercing can put them at risk for getting HIV. Teach preteens that they have choices in life and that decision that they make today could have an affect on the rest of their lives.

Teens: Thirteen- to 19-year-olds are more concerned with their self-image and friendships than what their parents have to say. Many teenagers take risks and feel that “it can’t happen to me.” During this crucial time, it is important to continue to provide your teen with accurate information about HIV and safe sex. You may wish to provide resources such as books and videos that they can view on their own. 

Talking to children about HIV can create anxiety for parents. Educate yourself and have resources on hand. You’ll feel more comfortable if you know the facts. Try to relax and let the conversation flow naturally. Start talking to your children at an early age so that you all become comfortable with the subject and its vocabulary. Take this opportunity to create a supporting and loving environment so that your children will feel comfortable asking questions. 

1		Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for HIV, STD and TB Prevention, Divisions of HIV/AIDS Prevention. (2003). Fact Sheet: HIV and its transmission: Retrieved March 2003 from http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/facts/transmission.htm.
2		Heft, L., et. al. (1997). Fact Sheet: How do parents and children talk about HIV? Center for AIDS Prevention Studies, AIDS Research Institute, University of California, San Francisco. Retrieved March 2003 from http://www.caps.ucsf.edu/parent-child.html.
3		Nation PTA (2003). Talking with kids about HIV/AIDS. Retrieved March 2005 from http://www.pta.org/parentinvolvement/healthsafety/hiv_eng.pdf