A Letter to Caitlin

Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of the photo shoot. I didn’t really think I would get anything out of it. It would be more for the public than for me. I was so unbelievably wrong. The interview changed me in a way that I never expected. I had to be bluntly honest about my truth. I had to get over the embarrassment of not being able to do the shoot at my house because I had no electric or gas. I had to get over the fact that nothing in the house truly belonged to me. I had no identity there. I showed you my list for my house which was a secret. I had never said I wanted my own place out loud. I never wanted anyone to think I was abandoning my mother. I was scared, angry that I didn’t have my own life, and ready for a change.  In August I made the decision to move out of the place that I couldn’t afford to pay rent and the utilities at the same time. I started sleeping on a loveseat instead of a couch. Everything was so out of whack. I had a new job that made me feel poorer than ever. I knew God was making a change so I kept hanging on although I wondered where He was at, cause my living conditions were foolish. It was hard as hell. I almost left church. I stopped praying and taking my meds. I was far from undetectable and extremely pissed off.

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