Hello all I'm babiegurl75...

Hello all I'm babiegurl75 and I was diagnosed with HIV back in 2002 and I have had a lot of ups and downs in my life I contracted HIV from my fiance in which he passed away a month before I was diagnosed it was hard as hell to deal with grieving over my fiance's death and dealing with my diagnosis it was very hard for me to get things right I couldn't understand why me why would this happen to me I had all these friends who was fucking everybody under the sun and I fuck one person and I end up being hiv-positive and i question God why me I hated God for what had happened to me and I stopped believing in him I stay depressed I tried to pick up the pieces and move on but it was very hard every year that came up on his death I went through it my best friend and my mom was by my side but I never fully understood why me so I started taking meds and just trying to get my life back together it was so hard and it still is hard because I'ts been such a long time I found someone that accept me for who I was being Hiv positive he got killed in 2010 and that was something else I really had to deal with which I really had never really dealt with it my depression got worse I never thought about ending my life but it was so hard just me and by yourself and trying to make yourself feel like I was happy my life started to go down hill I would go to work and cry I would come home where we both lived and cry I lost my job and my apartment because I couldn't deal with anything and then my depression got really bad I started over eating not sleeping for days I was staying with my sister which I hated to be there but I didn't have anywhere else to go my mom stayed in a senior citizen apartment and then I started having problems with my knees I'm bone to bone I have osteoarthritis all through my body I have a pinched nerve in my neck I can only stand for like 10 minutes anything more than that I'm in pain I can't hold a job It's just terrible and it still is terrible because I wake up in pain I going to sleep in pain I have osteoarthritis in my lower lumbar part of my back and then dealing with my depression really hasn't helped anything I take the medicine every day because I feel that's the only thing that's keeping me from going insane

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Reading this article brought

LaWanda37's picture

Reading this article brought me to tears but you have the support from me and many others

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You are not alone

kmartel's picture

Hi babiegurl, I'm sorry you have endured so much. We want you to know you are not alone. Do you have any support network near you? Are you able to access any mental health services where you are? If we can help connect you to some resources, please let us know. You can email kmartel@thewellproject.org, and we'll see what we can do to get you connected to support locally. In the meantime, please know that there are those here that are supporting you. 

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Welcome Babiegurl

Lovinglife101's picture

Thank you for sharing your pain.  Many of us have been dealt some difficult challenges in life and I can identify with how you feel.  I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to give up, I am exhausted.  I contracted HIV in 1985, a very long time ago.  It took me years to come to terms with my diagnosis and accept myself for who I was.  One of the things that have helped me continue and find my passion is the unconditional love and support other women living with HIV and the Well Project has given me over the years. 

Although at times, I still get depressed, I have grown to know that I am not alone.  I have support and guidance from other women who have been through the same thing and some who have it much worse than me.  I am grateful for this journey and know that no matter what, I will be okay.  I will find a way to survive the storm and continue to love myself and others.

I am glad you were able to share a little about yourself.  I hope you have a wonderful holiday season and welcome to the family.

Vickie

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Welcome Sister !!

Mariatmejia's picture

First of all I want to welcome you to this sisterhood ! I hope that we can support you and even recommend ( me personally ) things that might help you with pain that are natural that I use <3 I am a 29 year survivor of HIV and I have been through it all! HIV was transmitted to me in 1988 at the age of 15 when this was a death sentence! I know it is not easy , but your voice will help many many people all over the world will identify with your pain! I hope you find comfort in us and we are all here for you! you can add me in all social media with the name Maria HIV Mejia !

 

much love and light

 

Maria Mejia

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