It's been a while. Lots has happened! And I'm just about to embark on a 3 week working holiday road trip and then a stay at KPS Trebullom so thought it's time to catch up and share. It's all good in the hood! In May I got great blood results - CD4 726 VL 457 - and completed another 21 day HIV meditation project with new friends made and great feedback received. I also started dating...yeah that's kinda why I haven't written for a while, that and my two daughters' exams, prom, performances, birthday and boyfriend/girlfriend celebrations and commiserations!
So this is where the unique problems of living with HIV really hit home. With the chance of romance comes the fear around disclosure. I did write a whole blog discussing the pros and cons, when, where, and how, and I asked on the forums. I basically stopped seeing him because I couldn't face it! That seems a lifetime ago and I can't find the word document where I originally vented and ranted, which is probably good as it does all seem irrelevant now, but those fears of rejection and being judged were so strong. I haven't shared my status to many and it hasn't always been well received. Sometimes initially it seems ok and then cracks reveal themselves. Like a 'good' friend who is supportive, but actually I'm not welcome to play with her child; a lover who is ok until a condom breaks and the reality of PrEP proves too difficult; or another response: "Wow, I appreciate you sharing that. I feel closer to you now," and then they never stay to eat or drink tea in your house again.
To read this blog in its entirety, click here.