In a world full of HIV Negative people, us handful of HIV Positive people feel so alone, and I know for a fact I'm not the only one. It's a normal feeling that happens to us all, but why do we have to accept that and run with it when there's a whole world out there for us to connect with that is full of people, men and women, who are in our same exact shoes? I remember shutting down when I first found out. I was ignoring everything but work. At the time I was working two jobs, so every day I went to both jobs, came home, went in my room, and shut out the world. Some days I wouldnt even eat and...
Destiny Smith's blog
Today was one of those days. In exactly 9 days I will have been diagnosed with HIV for exactly two years, and as that day is getting closer, I feel my world getting smaller. It's like my mind is hiding and going back into a shell to protect myself from hearing that news. Don't get me wrong, I love me. I fully accept my status and I appreciate my lesson, but I can't help the fact that I get triggered. I can't help the fact that I fall into this depression. I catch myself not wanting to communicate with others, not wanting to do anything but work, and that's exactly what I did in 2017, until I...
You only live once is a phrase we all hear a lot, though that's not true. The real statement is we only die once, but we live every day. In life some people believe in winning and losing, but me myself I believe in winning and learning. I've been through so much throughout my life and I haven't even hit twenty-five yet. And I know it's not only me, but that's okay, that's what life is, some good days and some bad days. The day I found out I had HIV, my day started out wonderful and smooth. Once I got the news - I remember it like yesterday - it's like my whole day blacked out; my mind went...
Recently one of my blogs was shared on Facebook about me going back to online dating after finding out my positive status.
Since I've announced my status to the world my life has literally been an open book. From strangers to associates I haven’t seen or spoken to in years, people asking me questions, personal or just educational, people asking for advice… It was like I was actually somebody, I was actually helping people learn about something that 7 months ago I knew nothing about. But this was my life and that was okay with me. Though I’m not going to lie, sometimes I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone or express myself cause really no one was actually going through what I was going through. They just knew...
It's hard to explain how my feelings are towards having HIV. I try not to think about it in a negative way and yes, plenty of people say it's not a death sentence like people try to make it seem. But people also have to understand it is a life changing situation. A lot changes, especially if you are being open about your status and letting people know. Yes, that is the right thing to do; let any potential partner know because it should be their choice if they want to deal with the situation or not. Also just because you are positive doesn't mean you have to announce it to the world. I did it...
"What's changed?" is a question I've asked myself at least once every day since the diagnosis. What has changed about me? My answer is always the same: I'm the same ole Destiny. But in all reality, I am not the same woman from December of 2017. I am a completely different woman and I say that in the most humble and appreciative way. Yes, I've contracted something that the world sees as nasty or sick or whatever words they can think of in the negative aspect. But that woke me up in a way I needed. I think more before I do, I make sure the risks I'm taking are carefully thought through, I enjoy...
Princess Diana once said. "HIV does not make people dangerous to know. You can shake their hands and give them a hug. Heaven knows they need it." When people hear "HIV" they automatically think of AIDS, but they need to understand that they are two different things. People hear "HIV" and automatically think of dying quickly and never having a normal life again. Also, when I say "people" I speak of myself. Believe I thought the same way, I can’t lie. If I never would have gotten HIV, I wouldn’t know more about it like I do now. When I got diagnosed I quickly thought: how long do i have to live...
What I'm going to do with this test is turn it into a testimony, my testimony. So yes, I am 24 years old with HIV. Yes, I have to wake up every day and take medicine. But other than that, what has changed absolutely? Nothing other than my mindset. I begin to think about things more thoroughly and not just jump out at everything, taking whatever risk I can take because I want to. A few months after finding out I had HIV, I downloaded an app back on my phone called POF because that's where I used to find guys to hang out with and have conversations. But mind you I said I have begun to look at...
Think about a world where everyone is positive. I mean you can only imagine right? Lately I've been just to myself not really going out and hanging out and wanting to be around others - well maybe a few people that I know accept me for all of me. See this year has been all about rebuilding myself, my confidence, my self love, self-care, the whole nine yards. I thought I made it. I mean I did it, we are in month nine of this year so only three more to go and I seriously thought I made it. But then I went out on a day I specifically said I did not want to go out. I was okay hanging out at my...