Being alone

I'd like to believe that I am a strong young woman who's just simply trying to live her life the best way possible....yes, I encounter challenges on a daily basis but that does not keep me down. It's been merely two weeks since I came back to cape town and I have been away for 6 weeks due to june recess, leaving my poor boyfriend alone. Things are not looking good between us since I came back and I think it's safe to say we finally reached the dead end (nothing to do with HIV) thus we are breaking up. Last year when I was diagnosed, this man stuck by me even though he's negative. Luckily for me, my status was never an issue, but every time we'd have an argument, the little voice in my mind always wondered: had I not had HIV would he have treated me better? He treated me exceptionally well, that's  without a doubt, but I still had those thoughts that were always lurking when nobody was around. Because of the love I have/had for this man, I trusted him enough to be dependent on him and face the world with him. I never thought he would leave my side so soon and the thought of being alone sent shivers down my spine. It's kinda funny though, because before I never had problems with being alone, but after I was diagnosed I feared being alone because I thought no man would stick with a positive girl especially when he's negative. And by that,  I realize I sold myself short.....NEVER again will I look down upon myself. Yes I'm still scared of being single, but I'm taking baby steps and all shall be well!

P.S. I'm still grateful for the amazing support my mother has given me. God bless that woman for me!

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Machelle's picture

I feel the same way you do.. I to know I am a strong woman. I am glad I read what you wrote atleast I know I am not alone.

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Tanila's picture

So much respect for u young lady!!We need more people like u <3. Recently discovered my bf is HIV positive and i have no idea what to do or start. He has never disclosed to me. I have nt tested. I have nt confronted him either. Its scary! But with people like u and a positive mindset we can overcome HIV! Big up!

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dasassidiva's picture

Ladies Its important that we practice self love amongst ourselves remember that by contracting HIV it does not mean we committed a crime, we did what everybody does..why should we blame ourselves for the inevitable?????? Tanila I think its best you get testet and take it from there don't forget there's life after HIV as cliche as it may sound....its true and michele Its good to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this

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