I am in the process of changing HIV doctors. I am going back to the MD that I initially saw when I moved back to Missouri but at that time I was abusing prescription drugs and he saw right through me and that pissed me off. My present MD is okay but I just don't feel a connection to him. So I will go back to the first MD, tell him he was right and that I am now in recovery. I am a little scared but know it will be okay.
I have a lot of issues with my son who I adopted when he was 5 and is now 13. Putting him through my addiction brought back all of his memories and distrust of his biological mother. He also has Attention Deficit Disorder, Oppositional Deficiency Disorder, and a trauma history. So we deal with a lot.
He gets very angry and says very hurtful things at times. We are working with counselors and positive reinforcement. It is hard for me because I don't deal with my feelings well because I am an addict. I get emotional and start yelling easily so he does the same thing back to me. Through the power of God I am learning to listen and be patient, not reactive to him.
I am considering telling more of the friends I have met about my HIV status but I am still not there yet. Once you tell you can't take it back, nor do I have control over who they decide to tell. This is a big fear for me, especially living in Conservative Missouri. There is not much in the way of supportive services here.
There is one place that does my case management, St. Louis Effort for AIDS. I get Ryan White funds through them which gets me by every month.
I am keeping my spirits up. I am starting a new supplement program to help my aging body. I don't feel 50. I stay active, keep thinking positive and try not to think like my mother. lol