I got fired from my job because I was too high to perform my duties. I was very fortunate that I did not get into any traffic accidents or legal issues as a result of my drug use. I embarrassed my son by being late or forgetting to pick him up. He had to call my parents a few times because I was so out of it. Finally I overdosed and ended up in the hospital which was the beginning of my wake up call. I was also reported to the Department of Children and Family Services for not supervising my son properly. I knew I had to make some changes. I was tired of being sick and tired.
I needed a new way of life. I had gotten clean in 1986 in NA and stayed clean for about 10 years. I became infected with HIV in the rooms of NA which changed life as I knew it. I also knew that even though part of my life was lost, those years also gave me a new way to live. So I went back to NA. At first I would go to meetings and get high afterwards. Finally I surrendered and began to stay clean one day at a time. I began going to more meetings and allowed people to love and support me. NA is a close knit group. It is the only place I can go and not feel crazy about the thoughts I have. I have come to believe in a power greater than myself which I choose to call God. I know God cares for me and will provide all that I need. I am still numb in many ways but I am learning how to deal with my feelings without using drugs. On May 1st I will have 11 months clean. I go to 4-5 meetings a week. I call other recovering addicts. I am working the 12 steps and learning to live clean. I am becoming a better parent, daughter and friend thanks to all the people in NA.
Today I look forward to the future. I am discovering who I am and that is something I could never do while using!