Afraid of Death?????

For me, not anymore!!  A few weeks ago, my lovely cousin Jane (not real name) was killed together with her Fiance in a tragic road accident. Jane was in her early 30s, a very hardworking nurse, full of energy , very optimistic, kind but above all she was free of HIV, though her passion was HIV research. It was such a blow to the family and at the funeral, from what was being said, I noticed many people still don't have time to think of death and those that do, do not even want to talk about it.

While deep in thought I realised that one of the greatest fears we as people living with HIV have, is that of death. I remember the reason I was scared to even take the first test to know my status was nothing more than the thought of death.  I had seen close relatives succumb to the illness before the anti-retrovirals were made easy accessible  in Uganda. However, now I know the best thing I did for myself was know my serostatus.

Many of those living without HIV on the other hand believe it's far away or even can't imagine it will come one day. And that's what happened to many of my relatives who were gripped in shock that day!  Many living without HIV believe they still have eternity to live.

With HIV,  I know it's emminent, not that I know when it will come, but I believe it will come though I will not let it make me live my life in fear. I  am even more compelled to believe we are lucky people, because with this knowledge, we are able to better plan for our lives and for our loved ones. For me, I have realised the value of every day that I have and am able to wake up.  I don't take for granted the fresh air I breathe every morning. In short, I have learned to love to live more.

Am thankful though that I am still here and thank God that I have my son that I love more, I believe now, than if I didn't have this knowledge.  God  Bless!!!!

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lovegirl's picture

Death is a pretty scary reality that we will all to face one unknown day. For me i have also witnessed a lot of family member who ignored the hiv until they were at a stage were medicine could not help them anymore. For the first three years after my diagnosis i too pretended that nothing was wrong, i didn't want to visit the doctor, but when i started getting ill and losing a bit of weight i knew i couldn't put it off any longer. So i went to the doctor and did all the test and now i am on arv therapy. i am studying for my Bachelor of Accounting Sciences and death is the last thing on my mind. I choose to live and thrive in this world and i am blessed to have a man who has accepted me unconditionally and supports me 100 percent.

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Eli's picture

l totaly agree with yu both. l have been living my life in denial for the past 6 years. Most of my relatives died of this desease and when l started gettinng sick l just could not let myself believe that l was aslo a victim of the same desease. everybody that had been sick had died, therefore lt meant the same thing to me. l have been diagonised recently and l cant stop thinking about death. I have 2 kidz 11 and 9 years old, and the thought of dying and leaving them behind scares me. Now my question is how do l tell the man lm leaving with that lm HIV positive...

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celina5000's picture

My condolences on the death of your cousin. I quite agree with you that people are morbidly afraid of death. It's sometimes easier to talk about sex than death. Yet, it's a condition of our living. Everyone will die, one way or another. Death isn't an enemy.

Thank you for bringing up the topic. I wish you peace and courage.

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