For me, not anymore!! A few weeks ago, my lovely cousin Jane (not real name) was killed together with her Fiance in a tragic road accident. Jane was in her early 30s, a very hardworking nurse, full of energy , very optimistic, kind but above all she was free of HIV, though her passion was HIV research. It was such a blow to the family and at the funeral, from what was being said, I noticed many people still don't have time to think of death and those that do, do not even want to talk about it.
While deep in thought I realised that one of the greatest fears we as people living with HIV have, is that of death. I remember the reason I was scared to even take the first test to know my status was nothing more than the thought of death. I had seen close relatives succumb to the illness before the anti-retrovirals were made easy accessible in Uganda. However, now I know the best thing I did for myself was know my serostatus.
Many of those living without HIV on the other hand believe it's far away or even can't imagine it will come one day. And that's what happened to many of my relatives who were gripped in shock that day! Many living without HIV believe they still have eternity to live.
With HIV, I know it's emminent, not that I know when it will come, but I believe it will come though I will not let it make me live my life in fear. I am even more compelled to believe we are lucky people, because with this knowledge, we are able to better plan for our lives and for our loved ones. For me, I have realised the value of every day that I have and am able to wake up. I don't take for granted the fresh air I breathe every morning. In short, I have learned to love to live more.
Am thankful though that I am still here and thank God that I have my son that I love more, I believe now, than if I didn't have this knowledge. God Bless!!!!