Checking in

I can’t believe it has been 3 months since I posted.  When I first became involved with the AGLM blog I was so nervous, yet so excited to have an outlet for my HIV “junk.”  The good part is that after I wrote my first 2 posts I felt a great deal of relief.  I guess that sustained my heart for a while, that and reading the posts and comments from other women.  Then I started feeling guilty that I hadn’t written in so long.  I have been wrestling with what to write because often when I think of my HIV everything is negative.  I don’t want every post of mine to be sad, negative, or ugly.  So I haven’t written. 

Today I am just writing to say “Hello sisters!”  I am still out here.  I am here for all of you, and I need all of you as well.  I’ve actually been doing alright.  I had my annual physical yesterday.  I’m sure I’ll get my lab results in a couple of days and I hope that they will be good.  I am working very hard to be in the moment and practice living one day at a time.  What I know today is that I am lucky to have a job, a car, a home, great friends, a loving partner and most importantly a supportive family and a perfect (almost 2 yr old) son!  Have a beautiful Tuesday and give a hug to yourself and those you love.

Peace. Lynn

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Comments

Teresa's picture

A GIRL LIKE ME has allows me to say what's on my mind and also let me help other though their struggles.

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soniaroy79's picture

Dear Lynn, it was amazing to read your blog as it seemed to reflect exactly what was in my heart. I wrote in after nearly 3 months myself and through it all felt guilty for the delay. But being a part of AGLM has really been an uplifting experience. Here is one place I dont hesitate saying whats on my mind as i know here i will get real empathy and not sympathy. Glad to know you are doing fine. Sending you a hug :)

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celina5000's picture

Glad to hear that people are doing as well as they can. I too have been feeling guilty because I haven't had the energy to write in due to viruses playing around in my body. It's nice to know you're all still there. peace Gisele aka celina5000

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lawrence's picture

good to hear coz im suffering about my recent diagnoses

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Soccer Mom's picture

Thank You for answering my desperate midnight plea. In the light of day I feel ashamed of my moments of weakness. I know I have so much to be grateful for, and I truly count my blessings everyday. I try to stay strong for my husband and child, but It is so nice to finally find someone else who knows what I am going through and who understands that sometimes you need to cry. But, at the end of the day, I need to remember that I am healthy, I have a home, plenty of food, and love from my family. There are so many people out there that don't even have those basic necessities. I try to help those less fortunate than me everyday. One thing I have learned from having this disease is our time is short on this earth and in the end it is what we did with that time that counts. I send my love and prayers back to you as well.

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Soccer Mom's picture

Lynn-Are you still out there? I just found this website and i feel like we have alot in common. It would be nice to speak with someone like me. I am crying as I write this because I feel so alone. I found out I was HIV positive in Jan 2002 during a routine prenatal visit. I was so shocked. How could it be? By some act of God, my husband then of 5 years was not infected. My beautiful daughter was not born infected. My husband now of almost 14 years is still not infected nor my daughter now 9. I have so much to be grateful for -my husband still loves me, i have a wonderful little girl, we are financially secure, and i live in a beautiful home. We are the American dream. I am a stay at home mom who spends her days volunteering, going to exercise class with my mom friends, lunching, and driving my daughter around to activites. On the outside I am a typical soccer mom, I am sure most of my friends would be horrified if I told them. I am so lucky compared to most women in my situation, I almost feel like I don't have a right to be sad. But sometimes late at night, i have to cry. I try to get through each day and not think about it, and for the most part, that works. I have existed this way for more than nine years. But that is just it. I have existed. I want to talk with someone who knows what I am going through. So if you are still out there, send me a line.

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barelycoping's picture

Dear soccer mom, welcome to AGLM. I'm sending you a huge HUG from South Africa, Pretoria. Please dry your tears and start counting your blessings. You have so much to be grateful for. Your family for one, their relentless support and love, your friends and the lunches you enjoy! Not everyone is blessed with these things. It is hard but all these blessings make life worth living.
HUGS.............

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Lynn2011's picture

Yes, of course, I'm still here. I gotta get blogging tho-I have been scarce.

You know, as positive women, we really do need to be "postive" BUT i think there is definately space for tears, pain, depression, desperation. Just as long as we don't stay in that place. The feelings and disease we live with are too intense to just pretend that everything's fine and we are all taking it in stride. We have to be honest with ourselves and others when we are in pain and need extra support. All my love!

Lynn

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