Kat's intro

DrKatMd's picture

My name is Kat and I was diagnosed in March of 2010. For me, what should have been
a joyous time, turned out to be the most horrific yet most humbling time of my life. I was pregnant with my twin girls, and should have been so excited, but troubles at home were taking its toll and I miscarried. When I found out I was HIV positive, I was shocked. It took me months to tell my family, and I still haven't talked to my ex husband about it. I feel into such a deep depression because all I could think about was how I let my kids down, and now I won't be there for them. I felt like a failure, and then when I finally got the courage to tell my family, i felt even worse. To see my dad and my brother cry and knowing that it was because of me, was the worst feeling I ever had. Since then, I am currently on Atripla, which is a once a day pill, and haven't had any of the weird side effects that they said I could-KNOCK ON WOOD, even though I kind of wanted to dream in color and see what that was like lol. I am still very weak but hopefully one day can be strong and become an advocate and a physical mentor for others like me, but for now I can be a cyber mentor and a voice and friend from behind the screen.

 

Kat's bio: My chosen name is Kat and I am from Maryland. I am 30 years old and the mother of 2 adorable boys 5 and 8, and I am HIV Positive. Wow, that’s the first time I actually said it since I was diagnosed in March of 2010. I went to a regular prenatal visit, my then husband and I were expecting our 3rd child, and learned that I was having twins. I was so excited and they asked about HIV screening, that of course I said yes- I mean who says no? A week later, I was having a miscarriage and lost one baby, and the doctor wanted to see me. He told me he didn’t want me upset but we had to talk. I thought he meant counseling about the baby, and I was focused on not losing the other one so I blacked him out. About a month later, after I lost the other baby, someone from the health department called me at work wanting to talk. I thought the doctor was trying to force me into counseling, so I gave them the run around, until they finally came to my job to meet with me. That’s when they told me. I was shocked, COMPLTELY, and the first thing I thought was, I am going to leave my kids without a mother. The second thought was – that SOB cheated on me. I never really thought about my well being, just threw all of me into the kids. I have since gotten a divorce with full custody, and have only disclosed my status with my immediate family, not even with my ex husband. ( i gave his information to the health department for them to handle contacting him).

Why Kat wants to be a part of A Girl Like Me: I know I should go to counseling, but my fear of people seeing or knowing is getting the best of me. Hopefully one day soon, I can be strong enough to deal with it the right way. But for now, I think this blog will help a lot. I know now that there are girls like me, not so much as ashamed, but afraid. Afraid of ostracism and ridicule and pure ignorance. I am hoping to not only help someone find a voice, but put one in mine, so that I can be heard.

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Comments

seddens@thewellproject.org's picture

Welcome to the blog, Kat! In just your few words, you have become a voice and an advocate. We appreciate YOU! Keep on blogging!

Best,
Shalini
Executive Director, The WellProject

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joyaloyo's picture

Hello Kat,
Your in the right place now my dear. Am Joy 33, and come all the way from Kampala, Uganda but in this family of ours am just a blog away. i just want to let you know that slowly and in due time you will be able to face all those fears. 6 years ago i was in a place similar to yours. I had gone for a regular antenatal visit and i was required to take a test. it changed my life but one promise i made to myself was that my child would never have to pay for any mistakes of my life. I was strong for him and today at almost 5 he is adorable. i had a miscarriage too a few years ago, i have also become stronger and am hoping to have a child next year. i have realised that we have to prepare our bodies and not just our minds for a pregnancy so am doing exactly that. your welcome again my dear.

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celina5000's picture

Dear Kat, welcome to AGLM. I've had HIV for 27 years. I raised my 3 children to adulthood as a single parent as my husband died of AIDS over 20 years ago.

I remember feeling very frightened and anxious. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your twins. I know it seems like the world is pretty dark and lonely right now, but I hear YOUR VOICE loud and clear.

You're obviously a strong person, wisely sharing your status with family. Of course they're sad for your pain, but it sounds like they're going to share it with you. Embrace them and let them be there for you because you'll be around for a long time yet. Peace and courage. (and keep writing; we all need your voice.

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DrKatMd's picture

Thanks..it feels good to have a place where I feel safe enough to heal

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