Maria---Nothing but Love and light for me!!!!!!

Instead of replying to the blogs and blog videos Maria has posted I thought I would share with everyone... I sat down and watched and read some of the blogs Maria has posted and she really struck a nerve, a fire in my behind, conviction for my actions and a light bulb in my head. lol. Some of those sound bad, but they are not aimed at Maria--but myself. I have never really made an effort or changed a whole lot of things in my life and the way I take care of myself. I am in love with sugar and my coffee and my cigarettes!!!! Maria was so wonderful and pointed out how important it is to take care of ourselves being HIV+. I really didn't like her for a minute :) because she is sooooo right. I have thought about quitting smoking but just haven't been ready. I did quit for many years but that was because I was pregnant. But after my divorce to the kids' daddy in 2001, I started again, along with drinking every weekend for about 4-6 months. I have been with my now husband, for 7 years and for the longest time only drank occasionally but in the last month I have went out every Saturday night to dance and drink. I have felt like I can live again. I know a lot of this 'umph' I have comes from the Lyrica the doc prescribed. It has been a miracle drug for me. Every week, I look forward to that Saturday night because when I drink I have no neck or body pain and feel "normal", have energy, laugh and socialize with EVERYONE!!!! I have thought about trying to drink on the weekdays when I hurt and the hydrocodone doesn't work but I cannot bring myself to do that as I have children and that is sooooo not cool. I have also thought about smoking pot as a lot of ppl claim it helps with pain but then again ABSOLUTELY NOT because I grew up in a house with parents that got high everyday. I REFUSE to do that to my children!!!!!

So after saying all of that....after watching and reading Maria.......it hit me...... Ummmmm ding dong, how about going the natural way as was intended for us as humans and start eating healthier and getting rid of all the toxins I consume each and everyday. This is so hard for me to really take in because this makes my HIV even more of a reality along with my body pain. Grrrrrrrrrr. Tears fall down my face and I am greatly saddened by the choices I have made. I am torn. Do I think about my health and being able to be a mother to my children for many years or do I risk it changing nothing and live the way I have been and hope it doesn't wreak havock on my health? Sounds kind of like a no brainer but sugar, coffee and smoking are my addictions. My journey to "real" health will be long and hard but I'm sure it will be worth it.

I make myself out to look really bad, like I'm some drunk or party animal and I am not (except on Saturdays lately). I blog this only to be "real" in all that I give to you ladies. Maria has been so good for me and even though we may believe differently spiritually she is still my blessing from God!!!!!! Her love and light she always shares, shines through each and every word she utters. I pray nothing but awesomeness for her!!! I do think it is time to take the steps to ensure better health and longevity. I will have to educate myself on getting healthy but Maria has opened that door a little for me to peek in and see some of the great ways to get and be healthy. Her blog has also helped to kick me in the hind end to NEVER miss my doses of my HIV meds. It's time for me to get a grip and be healthy and find other ways to feel "normal" and have no pain and more energy. I just pray I can find it!!!!!! I hope this has helped someone, somewhere. None of us are perfect but we can always make the decision to start doing things the right way, TODAY. Thank you again, Maria, and for those of you that have not read or watched her video blogs---do it--go watch and read now. You will truly be inspired.

Lots of love to you all!!!!

Ang

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Comments

mumbaiyyagal's picture

Hi Angela,

Loved your blog. Yes, I absolutely agree that Maria in many ways, is a source of inspiration to those who seek her :) Even I had followed myself in her footstep and believe me, it had made a huge lotta difference in my life. I feel healthier, happier, beautiful. Otherwise I was just like you, a party animal, heavy smoker, occassional drinker, unhealthy eater (see my blog on "HIV and Spirituality"). But I did all that coz I was in depression, and I hated myself for having contracted the virus for no fault of mine (See my blog "Living with HIV")....Thus I was killing myself slowly but surely....I even tried the short cut- two failed suicide attempts...first by slashing wrist, and second by consuming a liquid poison (See my blog on "From Cowardice to Courage")...I have gone thru all....it was tough....until one fine day, something hit me in the head and made me realise that life is too beautiful to give it all up. Thus a "new" me was born, and here I am, living to tell my story, reaching out to million, just the way Maria did.
Thus Angela, live and fight....dont give up. Remember, this is ur testing time....against you, yourself with LIFE. Emerge out a winner. Live life to the fullest.

(((hugs))) and much love

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Mariatmejia's picture

<3

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ron's picture

My girlfriend didn't know for the past 7 years she was HIV positive until we were together 3 months and decided to get tested, I tested negative and still never wear a condom. Weighed 92 pounds and feels weak all the time but I still love her very much.

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Ang's picture

You are awesome

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Mariatmejia's picture

Wow ! Angela.. you left me in tears..ty so much for writing this . I am humbled and honored that you would do this..I cant wait to meet you! and I am glad in some way I was able to remind you what you already know sweety! you are a wonderful woman :-) and keep on living life and finding that perfect balance for you <3

much love and light to you

Maria

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Ang's picture

Thank you so much!!

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lovinglife101's picture

Both of you are amazing!

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Mariatmejia's picture

where are you Angela :(

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