Not Being the NORMAL Mom

I can remember back in 1993 trying to get pregnant, via turkey baster and by standing on my head using a bowl, and going to the doctor to get a blood test to see if I was pregnant yet and the doctor telling me that I shouldn't get pregnant. Then calling me on the phone after she, the doctor, with her newborn crying in the background, telling me that she didn't think I was that kind of person to do that to a baby and I more than likely wouldn't make it to even see my baby graduate high school. I then went to yet another doctor and told him I was trying to get pregnant and to test me and he sat there in silence, pondering his own thoughts and opinions, finally said ok and the appointment ended then. I then find out I was "maybe" pregnant. REALLY!!!!!!!!! I was so excited yet so confused. I was told to make an appointment with an OB/GYN. I went to that appointment and was told it was possibly a tubal pregnancy so blood work was done and an ultrasound scheduled. I went to the ultrasound appointment and there I saw my baby!!! A little peanut in my womb. He wasn't in my tubes he was just still a lil thing, they tested me a little too early to give me a definite answer. As my appointments continued and I steadily got a bigger and bigger belly, my joy beamed from me. Still having doctors, family and friends look down on me for getting pregnant on purpose because of being afraid of me infecting my baby, all I could say was, "I know God will protect my baby". They all looked at me as being stupid and having wishful thinking but I just knew my baby would be ok, just as I knew the sky is blue. The baby daddy (lol) was so excited, especially when we saw our little bundle of joy was going to be a boy. I wrote and scrapbooked every bit of information from each appointment (weight, t-cell count). I never took meds when pregnant even tho it was offered to me...well I should say it was forced upon me by doctors I did not trust and who looked down on me for getting pregnant so I refused.

At that time there wasn't enough information to let me know it would be safe for my baby. I did go into pre-term labor with my son and was hospitalized for a week to make it stop. That was at 34 weeks along. This was also the time I fought with the woman in charge of the hospital itself because they posted a Biohazard sign on my hospital room door. Needless to say, they removed it and moved me to a room by the nurses station.

I finally had my baby boy at 38 weeks along, vaginally, no meds and he was perfect!!!!!! 2 days after he was put in my arms and we were about to pack to go home I had a nurse come in and try to get me to have my baby tested for HIV. She quickly became pissed off when, at the age of 19, I looked at her and said, "I may not have a PhD but I do KNOW that if they were to test my baby then, the test would be positive because it would show MY antibodies". She told me that the doctor might have a problem releasing him and left the room. I was fuming like a momma bear protecting her cubs. I gave her 10 minutes to return then I was leaving---with MY baby. They must've thought because I was young, I would do whatever they said. I had done my homework!! She finally returned to tell me they would release him. I went home that day consumed with joy and pride that I was a new momma with a precious gift from God.

I took my baby to his first doctor appointment and was then hit with yet another doctor who talked down to me and when I refused to have my baby tested just yet she then told me, "Any good mother would have their baby tested". Of course we switched doctors. I did find a good pediatrican for my baby and had him tested at 9 months. His ELISA (test) turned up positive but his Western Blot (test) turned up negative. So we waited until he was 12 months old and had him tested again. Both tests came back negative. Then at 18 months he was tested again, so he would have 2 negative tests confirming he was negative. And of course, it was confirmed!!!!!! Through all the misery and judgement all those doctors and other people tried to put me through, I followed my heart, my instinct, my gut and disregarded what was said to me and I got to have my baby boy who was and is very healthy to this day!!!! I do not know why God protected my baby and doesn't protect others, I just know that for me, I knew with every part of my being he would be fine. The stigma and condemnation then and now for a woman to want and go through with having a baby is uncalled for. The research today shows that the transmission rate is nearly gone when meds are used and the mother's viral load is undetectable. We have come a long way since 1993 and I am a strong believer that NO ONE should judge when they have no clue and/or have not walked in our shoes.

I have since going through all of that above, did have another planned baby. I found a doctor I trusted and who knows what he is talking about and backed mine and my then husband's decision to conceive again. I had a baby girl this time, c-section and on meds. She, too, is negative and healthy as ever. She is now 13 and definitely a teenager. I want to duct tape her to the wall sometimes lol.

So to all the doctors, family and friends who didn't back me, just judged me, I say kiss my butt!! I am still alive and kickin' and have been able to be a mom to 2 beautiful children that are NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!!

I hope this is helpful to some of you. Even through all the horrible negativity I have lasted and been able to stand up for what I believed in.

Tags: 

like0

Comments

jae001's picture

I have 3 healthy HIV- boys and now a VERY PROUD GRANDMOTHER!! I never thought I would see the day I would be a grandmother. (Cause "They" said so)... Jokes on them... another gandchild on their way in January too.
Jae

like0

Angela's picture

Yaaaaaaa I love it!!!! I am thrilled for you!!!!! I hate it that you had to experience the joy of "Them" but so glad since you did, you understand what I am talking about. Now to have another GRANDBABY!!!!! So cool!!!!!

like0

Thato's picture

I am so excited that someone felt and went through what I would like to go through. I would like to have my own bundle of joy> But I'm so scared - am i strong enough - can I really see it through. Now I know I can do it with all the safety measures put in place. Thank you - you have made me look forward to positve life.

like0

Angela's picture

I am thrilled you are not letting this virus keep you down!!! Whether you choose to get pregnant or not, do your homewrk. There are so many resources now days to help you make the right decision for you. If you have ANY questions just ask. I am very open. Sometimes too open lol. I wish you the best of luck on your "Mommy to be" journey!!!! Lots of love to you!!!!! Keep me updated!!!

like0

Mhla's picture

Thank you very much for sharing your story, i'm 31 weeks pregnant and i always worry about not seeing my child's graduation ans what am i going to say to people when i do not breast feed. I've never told anyone its only me and my hiv- husband that knows.

like0

Angela's picture

I am so happy for you!!! Congrads!!! If anyone asks about you not breastfeeding just tell them you decided not to because you didn't feel comfortable doing it. You are not telling a lie but you are not reveling exactly why. There are many women that choose to not breastfeed or who cannot so it won't seem completely out there with that answer. Your instinct will be to breastfeed but we protect our babies by refraining. There is NO other feeling in the entire world that comes close to becoming a Mommy. Write everything down!!!! Take lots of pictures!!!! Enjoy your time carrying that precious baby!!!! Being positive was, has, is my reality check and I have learned through hearing, seeing, touching others that lost the fight, that life is about making memories. As many as you can. Embrace all the good and turn away from the bad as much as you can as in the big scheme of things, the dumb stuff means nothing. Ok enough rambling lol. I wish you nothing but great and wonderful memories that are yet to come Mommy and Daddy :) Ask me anything, anytime. E-mail me and we can txt if you'd like. Keep smiling baby girl God is Good!!!!! My email is myblogmail74@yahoo.com or angelakrebs74@yahoo.com

like0

Awi's picture

HI Angie,
woow! There are loads of great pple here :-) My daughter is 5months old!!! beautiful and healthy HIV neg ofcoz! I am so happy I spend every moment with her like i shall never have it again! thanks for encouraging me! God bless you!

like0

mumbaiyyagal's picture

Dearest Angela,

Beauuuuuuuuutiful. Even I was given a choice : To abort or to carry on to full term when I was 3 months. My husband wanted me to abort the child while I wanted to carry it to full term. And I did. I gave birth to a beautiful healthy smart boy and he is tested HIV Negative. He was delivered thru C-Section and I was under medication that time.
If any doctors says that HIV Positive women cant give birth so as to stop transmission from mother-to-child, I would rather point at the doctor and tell him to do his research. Time have changed. HIV does not, repeat NOT look threatening anymore. Medical science too have advanced. But pitifully here in India, the mentality of the people against HIV/AIDS is yet to be changed!

like0

Lynn2011's picture

So powerful. The momma bear instinct is indeed strong. I am inspired by someone who listened to her inner voice and get the best possible results. Happy Mother's Day.

Lynn

like0

Ang's picture

Happy Mother's Day to you too!! Thank you. I may have been young but I stuck with my inner voice. :)

like0

joyaloyo's picture

I salute you for your courage and determination. I had a similar situation and have a beautiful 5 year old son. I would like to encourage our sisters out there that just because we have "become who we are"(Hiv+s) this should not stop us from enjoying all the beautiful things that this life has to offer and that includes the gift of children. As long as you have the required information we can go ahead to have healthy children.

like0

Ang's picture

Amen Sister!!! The guy that infected me may have made things rough for me but he didn't take away my dream of being a mother. And you are so right, getting the proper information, not being used as a guinea pig, is so key, and by someone you trust, not doctors who judge or look down on you. Hope you have a FANTABULOUS Mother's Day!!

like0

Angela's picture

Thank you so much abena!!! Not many folks seem to get this. I normally hear, "It was just wishful thinking" or "you got lucky". Nice to have someone on the same page as me.

like0

soniaroy79's picture

Your post has refueled my confidence majorly. I am 7 months pregnant and pass each day with so much anxiety as I get closer to the day I have been waiting for all my life. Thank you so much for your post and your encouragement. It has made me believe in myself more. I am sure you are a lovely mom and you will be in my prayers.

like0

Ang's picture

I am thrilled I could be of help to you!!!!!! Keep me posted and let me know how things are going. Especially when you become a brand new Mommy. I am excited for you!!!!!

like0

Awi's picture

I am so encouraged! however i am just curiuous, did you breast feed? I am in a similar situation (Pregnant and positive) and still undergoing the "why me and why now" phase....

like0

angelakrebs74's picture

Awi,
I wanted to breast feed with my daughter--my second baby but I didn't because we can pass the virus to the baby. My daughter would try to latch onto me through my shirt and I would just cry but I resisted for her safety. I even asked a lactation specialist about freezing my milk first and she told me that it would not work and the baby could still get the virus. Breast feeding is why a lot of poor countries have babies that are positive because they have no food and the only way to feed their babies is to breast feed.
I know it is hard but the blessing of our babies being negative over rides the want/instinct to breast feed. Don't just take my word. Please research yourself too. Just so you know. Enjoy that pregnancy and that precious baby you are "cookimg" in the oven. lol I am sooooo thrilled for you!!!!! Just because we are HIV+ doesn't mean our lives have to end. Keep your head up Honey. It's going to be ok. Life is about making memories so make every minute a good memory to store.
Update me on how things are going!!!!! If you have ANY other questions, ask away!!! I am here and I am very open. Much love to you.
Ang

like0

abena's picture

This is faith at its best. Kudos to you mom!!

like0

positivel's picture

Hello Angie. You are an inspiration to all of us for your courage and boldness. I read your blog with tears of joy runing down my chicks. God bless you and your children

like0

Blog themes: 

Do you get our newsletter?

admin's picture

Sign up for our monthly Newsletter and get the latest info in you in box.

seventh name

Learn about physical activity and exercise – what they are and how much you need to stay healthy. Also get low-tech tips on how to get moving!

Get the basics about STDs: who gets them, why they are important, and how to protect yourself. Also learn about ten of the most common STDs.

Learn about the importance of dental care, how using tobacco and/or street drugs affects your mouth, and oral conditions common in HIV+ people.

Browse Blogs by Theme