Since April of 2011 when I...

Since April of 2011 when I was diagnosed. I have felt alone disconnected from everyone. My sister and my mother were the first two people to find out and there response was no one is to know about this. I go to ever appointment alone. I have no one to talk too. Whenever I bring it up and tell them how I feel. I get the same answer but your fine your undetectable. Ummm yes I am but doesn’t change the fact that I am alone and no one understands how I feel. I feel Sad, alone, depressed. I feel like I am a pot boiling over. I am taking care of my mom and my son. I live in NJ but the stigma is real and I don’t know anyone who can relate and or help me feel better and have people to talk too. I am undetectable but that does not help me understand why me, or who will ever love me unconditionally?

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Comments

8 comments

Submitted by kmartel
1

Hi prettyeyebully--I'm really glad you found us, and hope this can be the first step to finding a community. Sometimes just connnecting with others online who share your experiences can go a long way in helping to feel less isolated. While it is many family members' first reaction to try to keep an HIV status secret, it's important you're able to do what's best for you. I hope you read some of fthe other blogs and experiences of women on A Girl Like Me. We'll be here for you, and we can try to connect you to some support networks in NJ if you're interested in that. Isolation is terrible, and, yes, stigma is real--but can be overcome when you are educated and empowered. If you're ever interested in blogging yourself (can be done anonymously), please let me know.  My very best, Krista <3

Submitted by Prettyeyebully
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Thank you!!! It’s a relief to finally find a group of woman I can always chat with. Yes I am interested in some information in NJ. I have thought about blogged but having trouble finding out how to start blogging. 

Submitted by Lovinglife101
1

Prettyeyebully,

Reading your post brought me back to my early diagnosis.  I have been living with HIV for 34 years.  I have spent my entire adult life with HIV and am now 53 years old.  I also believed no one would ever love me, hell, I didn't even love myself, how could I expect anyone else to care. 

I spent years in self-destructive behaviors and toxic relationships.   I had plenty of people [men and women] who accepted me and my HIV status, but our relationships were built on using substances, in finding ways and means to buy drugs and stay high.  I stayed detached from my family, my friends, and from myself.  I truly was a lost soul with no hope of a future.  Today, I am so grateful for the journey and so grateful to be on the other side.  Don't get me wrong, living with HIV is a daily challenge but through recovery, I have learned to love myself and now have a different perspective on my life and on the world around me.  

I never thought I would find someone, but I did and we have been together 14 years.  He does not have HIV, but he accepts me as I am.  I was single for six years before he and I started dating.  I am so glad I waited for the right one to come along.  Stay strong, know that we are here, and if you want my personal contact information, you can ask Krista.  Reach out any time.

No matter what we go through in life we are worthy of wonderful things.  We deserve to be happy and HIV is just a virus.  It can be controlled and we can do and be anything we want.  Love you!

Vickie

 

 

Submitted by MariaHIVMejia
1

I am so glad you found us! I am a 30-year survivor and I understand that people think that HIV is a walk in the park and this is not true at all! it is not easy and we are here to support you! until anyone walks in our shoes, they basically can't have a true opinion of how we feel! I am glad you are a part of our sisterhood <3 love and light

Maria 

Maria

Submitted by boseolotu
1

Hi dearest sister from another mother if you don't mind me calling you sister? You are most welcome to the family. I am also living with the virus for almost 20yr now. all I want to say to you is to try as much as possible to always remeber that you are the most important person to yourself, Love yourself the most and take good care. I wish to give you a hug and kisses but Nigeria is very far from NY so I am sending you my hugs and kisses. Remain well and healthy.

Bose

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