Being HIV+ is one thing, doing it as a single hetero female is quite another. I find myself alone, wondering if I will ever find that compatible, understanding human being who is either a saint or also HIV+ and alone. It’s not to say though, that I haven’t searched. There are websites out there dedicated to us. I can say from experience it’s still a lonely endeavor.
I find that these sites are mostly catering to gay men, which is great for them. It is a gay men-dominated disease. In the beginning of my diagnosis I was the only woman at the “social gatherings” and now…it’s still pretty much the same. In fact I have walked out of these “social gatherings” with tears in my eyes and an empty feeling of desolation because I was the only woman in the gathering, which was dominated by gay men. I actually looked around myself surrounded by people who shared this disease and felt completely unwanted and unwelcome in their presence. Like an alien. I have nothing against gay men. I think they are funny and charming. I wonder if the gay male HIV+ population has the same issues in finding a compatible mate as I have.
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