Accepting what is

Hey all,  

I just realised that I have been looking for answers in all the wrong places. Making my life harder by not accepting what is, wishing for something else. But now I have come to some kind of sense. I have lived with hiv for 32 years, since I was 16. I now know and  feel that my place is within our community. This is where I can be myself fully and share my story and most of all Heal. So I have signed up for some activities here in Sweden happening later this summer and it feels so good. I can not wish my Hiv away, I need to accept it. Accept that this is my life. I am going to work with my selfacceptance,  my selflove  and feelings of shame. You know that shames best friend is silence , when you bottle up all bad things that happpened to you, the shame grows. But if you share your experiences , the shame will eventually go away. There is no shame in being hiv-positive, the shame is not mine to carry. I want to be that person I needed when I was younger. If I can help someone feel less lonely , Im happy. My life has purpose. So I wish for anyone who can relate that you accept yourself and your life as it is. Please reach out if you need someone to talk to. The shame is not yours to carry.  We are stronger together 

Much love, Kat <3

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Comments

Hard to accept

star.m's picture
You know I have been living with HIV for 2 years and I thought I could handle this and be happy but I am just now finding out that I cant do this and its slowly freaking me out. I don't want to put myself in a depression state but knowing that I have a secret I am hiding from everyone is not letting me live. I was just diagnosed w hip osteonecrosis and no real concerns until I got in to see the specialist and she immediately jumped to HIV being the leading cause of this condition in my case. So leaving there I felt to broken so fragile so weak and angry at my body for it honestly I didn't know who to brake down and talk to because no one knows what it feels like to find out the hard way that doctors couldn't find out what was killing me until I was basically in my death bed to go threw situations for the rest of my life because of it just reminds me how hard it is to live. So I am here to get to that point you are in ACCEPTANCE!
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It Does Get Better....Trust Me!

MzGee1966's picture
Star.m, I'm really glad that you came here for an ear and a word, because I have both for you. I've been living with HIV for 27 years and my early years were a lot like yours. I was depressed, unsure, and at times angry. I remember thinking all kinds of negative things about my body. Please know it does get better. You have found a community of women who really do care. We share ideas, thoughts, and our most trusted secrets with each other. We hold each other up at all times. We are a community that have learned how to accept our diagnosis. We'd love to continue connecting with you, if that's okay? Looking forward to your response.
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Thanks for the uplifting words of encouragement

star.m's picture
I appreciate What time are you taking to witting me some kind words. I would love to see connected to be honest and how I’ve mentioned I feel like it is getting the best of me and I have found emotions taking over and having me break down crying which is not something I’m used to doing so trying to find a way to process it better and not have the aching feeling in my heart. I hear you and I know things will get better with time it’s more so my understanding that it is just taking time to get through this it’s only been two years for me 28 feeling like I’m 60 kind of want to laugh about that but however is best for us to continue a simple conversation would be nice thank you
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The community of WLWHIV is Here!

MzGee1966's picture
Hi star. When you need an ear just post here and someone will respond. We are a community and that means we support each other. Gina B.
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It Does Get Better....Trust Me

MzGee1966's picture
Star.m, I'm really glad that you came here for an ear and a word, because I have both for you. I've been living with HIV for 27 years and my early years were a lot like yours. I was depressed, unsure, and at times angry. I remember thinking all kinds of negative things about my body. Please know it does get better. You have found a community of women who really do care. We share ideas, thoughts, and our most trusted secrets with each other. We hold each other up at all times. We are a community that have learned how to accept our diagnosis. We'd love to continue connecting with you, if that's okay? Looking forward to your response.
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Hello Sister!

Red40something's picture
Thank you for being brave enough to express how you are feeling!!!! The silence and secret of it all it what makes it so heavy. Neither you, nor your body is weak, y'all just going through something!!! :) Rest assured you are in a safe space where someone has been where you are. There is a peaceful place you can get to if you let it. I am happy to help you on your journey! I won't try to throw a bunch of information at you , I can just be a listening ear if you need. Feel free to reach out and send me a message in my inbox here or you may also find me on IG @sosaidred and send me a direct message there. Be well and hold a space for light. It gets better!
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The silence is heavy

star.m's picture
Hello red40something You are right the silence is heavy I’ve been trying to keep it a secret just because I know how afraid and sickening it can make people. I had a time where I went ahead and told my sons father that I had HIV in the instant look on his face said it all that’s the scary part I don’t want ever to be looked at with that same face discuss fear it was devastating so I’ve kept my silence the only people that knows my family of course my parents my son is too young to understand my boss actually because I was on my deathbed but that’s it no one else knows. That way it’s getting heavy but maybe this community is exactly what I need an understanding that I’m not alone and I’m not the only one. If you don’t mind I would love some help to get me through this journey like you mentioned.
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Most definitely!

Red40something's picture
First, remember that the look you saw is not the way it will always be! Also, remember its taking some time and knowledge for you to come to terms with your diagnosis, and we have to give other people a little space to get to comfort too... Some will, some won't. Remember that fear is not about you. Its about what they don't know about HIV. I sent you a trusted friend request. I'll shoot you my personal info once you accept that. Hang in there. There is an affirmation I love when I need hope--- It will all be okay in the end. If its not okay, its not the end! talk to you soon! Bridgette
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Thank you

Lovinglife101's picture
Kate, Thank you for sharing Incredibly powerful concepts. I respect and honor your journey. Lovinglife101
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Thank you <3 Lovinglife101

Kat's picture
Thank you <3 Lovinglife101
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Life will!

boseolotu's picture
My dearest sister, first let me thank you for sharing your struggles and challenges with us. I am so proud of you courage and strength. But you know life will keep on throwing tantrums at you and I. One great thing The Well Project has given us all is being part of this wonderful community of strong Amazon sisters. We love you! Take good care of yourself and also know that you are the most important person in any relationship. You choose to disclose when you are ready!
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Vaccine with hiv

Brittany 2006's picture
I know this may not be the group or website for this question, but I'm just curious have anyone got the vaccine yet because I'm afraid it may effect me especially because of my status. I know everyone body is different. I just will like to know if anyone got the vaccine and if so did you experience any side effects? I was thinking about getting it. Thank you
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Hi Brittany

Red40something's picture
I was fully vaccinated. I didn't have any side effects beyond the normal arm pain, with some joint pain and headache. There is no evidence it affects those living with HIV any differently than those who aren't. I'm a nurse and even with that, I don't push people in one direction or the other. I can tell you those who are vaccinated and get the Delta variant do better than those who are un-vaccinated. Several of the women here have been vaccinated and blogged about it, if you want to go to the blog page, or use the search bar to search it. Hope that helps. Light blessings!!
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I'm Fully Vaxxed

MzGee1966's picture
Hi Brittany, I understand the hesitancy with the vaccine, I was there. I thought about the effect it might have on my HIV. I was fortunate enough to have 3 trusted doctors who I was able to ask ALL the questions. I also saw family and friends contract covid. After doing my own research I decided to do it. In February, I had my 1st dose of Moderna. Today, I'm fully vaxxed but still wear a mask and keep my distance while in public. I wrote a blog about it that you can read on this site. It's called My Journey to the Covid Vaccine. I hope it helps. Keep me updated. 😊 Gina B.
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Vaccine with hiv

Brittany 2006's picture
Thank you. That make me feel alot better because I was thinking about getting the vaccine so this information helps alot
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We are here for you.

JoDha's picture
Much love. thank you for sharing your story.
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