I've experienced grief a few times throughout my life for different reasons. I was not prepared for the grief I would feel after my grandfather died
I think in the past month I've at least touched base with all five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, but I feel like it's only been a preview of going through those stages again
Losing a loved one is never easy, but losing a loved one during this covid pandemic is not something I ever thought I'd have to go through. Much like my HIV diagnosis, I didn't think it could happen to me.
The lights have come out all over town, in the department stores, on the city lampposts, and in homes and yards across the country. How I used to love those lights, along with everything else that made the holidays festive: annoying dinners with family, shopping in crowded stores, and watching memorized Christmas specials… but it was still special.
Where do I start with this year of lessons and so much pain? 2018 started ok, although I never expected it to be so so hard, and I never thought that I would ever be this strong…but I am.
In just a few days I will turn 50. Years. Old. I have to spell it out like that mostly because it’s hard to fully comprehend. I realize that I am not the first to feel this way. In fact, more and more of us (women living with HIV) are doing it. It’s nuts really. And awesome.
This year has been a year of so many challenges and trials. First it was resuming back to work in Abuja and was given a letter of termination of appointment from the organization we work for. Later in the month of March I lost an Aunty--in short from March to November I lost three of my aunties and an in-law.
I realized as I saw my computer screen with my grandkids, I never saw any kid grow up. Not my child, not my family’s children. I guess having the experience of being a mom I felt as if I should have had the courage to nurture, to raise a child. I put too much on my own shoulders so I can never be satisfied with the outcome. I am more of a perfectionist than I knew.