Awwwww shit. Here comes the uncomfortable feelings. The ones that come when I don't have a man by my side. I'm going to try to explain what I'm feeling, which is hard because I don't really believe half of this mess. I feel good, for the most part. I feel free. Like, I've been sleeping with clean laundry on the other side of the king bed for days now. Cus it ain't nobody to come in here and move it somewhere else – more than likely to the pile of dirty clothes and then I would have to start all the way back over with separating the stuff back out. Free as in I can take whatever phone call I...
Ci Ci's blog
Do you know what I am going to do IF I HAVE TO ATTEND ONE MORE GOT DAMNED VIRTUAL MEETING?
You ever met somebody who had ALL the STDs? Welp, that would be me. Well, maybe not all of them. But I have enough. So you know about the HIV. Blah blah blah. But I wasn't so pressed to tell you about the Herpes part. HS fucking V. I feel disgusting even writing it. But I have that one too. The genital kind. The one that makes you break out. And hurts. Matter of fact. That's how I knew something wasn't right. It was burning when I peed. And HIV didn't feel like that. This one is different. It can make sex very uncomfortable. And you gotta keep a prescription of Valtrex on deck for it. I heard...
Never would I ever think that I would be the one telling the story from this side. But they told us never to say never anyways, so I guess that is where I first went wrong. The second misstep happened when I slept with that dude without a condom. This guy that I barely knew and probably didn't have no business messing with in the first place had convinced me, through no major provoking, that I was safe with him. And I believed it. That was my bad. Many of us have done it though. You know, slipped up. But this slip up was more like a punch to the throat. Sometimes, we get fortunate in these...
Heal, they said. It will make you feel better, they lied. Whew, chile! I must say that my healing adventure has been quite a one.
I talk often about finding the silver lining in the dark times in our lives... ... yet, I am fully aware of how difficult this can be at times.
I absolutely hate taking medicine. Especially this HIV shit. They told me at the beginning that I would have to take medicine everyday.
I have made a few mistakes in my life. Who am I kidding? I have made MANY mistakes in my life. And I ain’t even been alive that long.
Disclosing my HIV status is usually one of the first things I do when I meet people. I mean, it's not like, "Hey, my name is Ci Ci and I have HIV!" Nah. It's more like, if I begin to see that person being in my life (even a little), Imma let them in on that part. And it's not because HIV defines who I am, but it most definitely affects how I operate. For instance, what if I get close to that person and the moment I tell them that I am HIV positive ... they leave? Oooooouuu weeeeeee chile!!! That hurts. Because then that would mean that HIV is the reason why this person doesn't want anything to...