finding balance

Too often, I was told what I should say and how I should say it—by people working in HIV who do not have HIV.

It's not what others tell you about yourself; it's what you tell yourself that is important. You mold who you think and believe you are.

Nineteen years ago, I never imagined that I would one day have the strength to speak openly about my status in a leading HIV magazine. But here I am.

When diagnosed, a person confides in me and trusts my guidance and love. I kill stigma one day, one person at a time. Doors are opening and I feel alive.

To my fellow survivors, advocates, and community members: keep speaking out. Keep demanding better.

I share this journey with you all because I feel safety in our sisterhood. I have a safe place to live. My outreach is thriving. I owe all this to a new perspective on me.

You brought me through trials to teach me who I can be. The one You designed me to be.

Last year I had the pleasure of being part of Dandelions Movement writing workshop that brought more healing than I anticipated. Once upon a time I did enjoy writing - in my youth, when I had time.

It felt like a warm blanket, comforting me in moments of loneliness, sadness, depression, and anxiety. When the weight of my emotions became unbearable, alcohol was there to dull the edges.

Adjust the sails, regroup our path. Time takes time, breakthrough here at last.