finding balance

I remember this special occasion as if it was today... Today, what I really want to share is my mum's response when I shared my HIV status.

It is important to stay connected no matter how our busy life is, because being together sparks inspiration to share our experiences, knowledge and new ideas to improve our life cycle. That is OUR POWER to supercharge an equitable future!

Writers and storytellers are among my favorite types of people. I've always had a thing for books of all kinds. I was the nerdy kid in elementary and junior high school buying ALL the books from the Scholastic Book Fairs. Literally armloads.

Today, I'm choosing to pour into myself in a way that allows me to be the best version of whoever I'm meant to be for those I love.

When I was about 4 or 5 years old, some nights I used to be awakened by a mysterious swaying of the curtains in my room. Immediately, I would start seeing shapes that scared me a lot: deformed faces, threatening animals.

When I was diagnosed with HIV almost 17 years ago I dove head first into activism. I was angry and I needed something to do with that anger or I would have turned it onto myself. What I didn't realize is that I had already done that and what I did not know is that I would let that anger build for almost two decades before I accepted it.

Cuando tenía unos 4 o 5 años de edad, algunas noches solía despertarme un misterioso vaivén de las cortinas de mi habitación. De inmediato empezaba a ver formas que me producían mucho miedo: rostros deformes, animales amenazantes.

I've learned a sex conversation before sexual intimacy is so much more than my HIV status. If a man isn't open to STD testing and condoms in the initial phase of dating, they are in denial about sexual intimacy responsibility and not boyfriend material.

I found it incredibly therapeutic to hear and relate to the women who have posted before me here, and have found a lot of healing from putting my thoughts in writing. My hope is to help the next woman not feel so alone.

My name is Johana Quesada and I am a stay at home mom, HIV activist, artist and breathwork facilitator based in Dallas, Texas.