The aftermath and education... I made it through. I am Clean! Off these drugs taking my serenity from me. I notice as days turn to weeks just what my part in stigma is. I am disappointed I have allowed myself to become a Stigmatizer myself. I found that by being ashamed of my status I was giving power and fuel to the ignorance of others. I self-medicated to numb the feeling so I could move forward with my advocacy, now I see how wrong I was. I accept my status and I love and accept myself as I am. I am not a bad person. I made bad decisions. I took a more colorful route than most choose. I am...
Angel S.'s blog
So the topic today comes to mind after a person reacted completely like a jackass. Uneducated and ignorant. You have to believe that without education of any type your just an ass with a mouth and words; careful with those, you cannot unsay anything. So my question would be: Why do you think you're above me? What exactly gives you the right to try to be mean to my lover? I am in this fight not just for us living with HIV; I do this for the human race. I am uncomfortable when you storm in a room and say shit like, "Wow you got AIDS?" I would like to respond, "I have a lot more than 'AIDS', I...
So I have been struggling between addiction, sexual, mental and physical abuse. Yet when asked, "Why do you accept the time you have with these individuals?" I can only respond with love. I ask myself why does it matter to me? I see you stand in judgement of others. When you had and have no intentions to comfort, teach or love these particular individuals. Go away already for Goodness sake. Misery does love company. I do not. After so many decades of loneliness and feeling inadequate, your door opens; yet unlike the company you been keeping, an unfamiliar face appears (I see me, I showed up)...
Suffering in silence has serious consequences. The elephant in the room can no longer be hidden, and while society as a whole needs to reevaluate its solution to mental health, we see the stigma involved with Mental Health is exactly the same shaming as found in HIV. We need to play a part in the process to remove these effects controlling us and leaving us and others ill informed. Going into care has been mind blowing. I learned that Stigma is wherever there is misunderstanding or ignorance; including fear of being educated. I am almost thirty days into the progress. I am now realizing how...
As birthdays pass and Holiday comes. I can't help to have a heavy heart. I said good bye to my loved ones some time has passed. This steady breathing is filled with gasps. My dear child has left me. My friend took his life. I have struggled too long to give up yet. I hold dear to my memories of times when we laughed. Free falling is the price. I roll the dice. Today I live. Will that day be tomorrow or shall I excuse myself from playing one last game. I know the price I pay is way too high. I have no energy for this world. God stay with me as I learn to crawl back to the safety of Faith.
Day 3 evening. Left friends, and meeting with David for a small task I said I would help with. Deal was to get dropped off and ride extra bike back home, meet FBI guy, and head out for a bit.
Day 2 evening. I spent the day in bed, slept till 7 pm. I did some small tasks during day but not much.
I have been me for forty six years. I have not always liked me, nor liked my actions; looking back I can see #mypassionrunsdeep.
Upon entering the police vehicle I asked the officer to please let me take my purse so I had my meds, they were very important. I told the officer I was HIV positive and my meds were in the purse. He then screamed at me "What the fuck is wrong with you not telling me you HIV?" I said "I didn't know we were going to have sex." He said it's my job to alert everyone upon my contact with them to disclose. When I asked him about the HIPAA law and if he was familiar with it and how it was in place to protect myself from certain people disclosing confidential medical information they may only know...
This year I was looking forward to changes with the new president. I realize it is a choice to get on an antiviral therapy and continue to strive to reach an undetectable viral load. Today I went to fill my prescription - $3209.00 deductible. That is quite a bump up from the usual co-pay. What a surprise after 10 years of meds and adherence to stay healthy. All the while educating not only myself but my community on the importance in knowing your status. I cannot help to notice the error in Health reform. This will set us back in the fight against HIV. However, it’s closer than that for me. To...