Hello again to all of my sisters here. I want to share a little something about my life. I'm going through a healing process within myself and learned that being open about my issues are a part of that healing process. I also learned that secrets keep us sick… I’ve been mentally sick for a very long time because I chose to keep/hide my secrets. No more!! I'm choosing now to own them.
Where do I start? First off, I was raised in a foster home and this is where the abuse began. I was molested from the age of 3-14 by four different men. I've lost two children and I've been raped. All of these things I chose to repress rather than deal with them by seeking help. The sad part of all of this is I never thought I needed help. I thought the unusual thoughts and feelings I had were normal. Finally, at 17, I ran away from my foster home and continued that cycle of abuse all by myself with no help from anyone else. I became very promiscuous because in my mind, I was searching for love but really had no earthly idea what love was. I didn't even have self love so what on earth made me think anyone else could love me?? Crazy right??
I became a woman that vowed to never let anyone else in my heart. I became a master of not entertaining emotions. This was how it had to be. I was tired of being hurt, I was tired of having meaningless sex with God knows who so that was it. It was me against the world. I lived my life this way for many years until one night I listened to what God was speaking to my heart. Slowly but surely I convinced myself to reach out for mental help. I had came to the realization that there was nothing shameful about having mental health illness, but what is shameful is knowing there is a problem and choosing to do nothing about it. I also decided to finally open that closet door that I had been so afraid of and hiding from for so long and look all of my past demons in their eyes, make peace with each and every last one of them and kicked every bone out of that closet.. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but it was necessary in order for me to begin to heal.
Am I there yet? Heck no!! But I'm better and I'm certainly far from where I used to be!! Thank you all for listening. As you see, I need you all in my life to help me stay uplifted just as much as you all need me!!! I love you all. Stay blessed!!