5 Minutes in My Head

Love yourself.

Lean on your truth. Aspire to be your best and then some. I know not why it's such a struggle.

I accept it will happen. I am not afraid to die. I am actually afraid more of the world; the stigma, the nasty people, the way life just rolls on whether you are ready or not. This life for me has a purpose yet how can I prepare without giving myself a break? Yesterday passed and today is new. I find the situation ahead of me has a lot to do with myself, my choices, and my way of life.

So on to good stuff, positive side. I have amazing blogs to read. I feel them with the writer. I am inspired to continue no matter the journey.

I should pray more and worry less. What others think of me is not my business. My happiness and health is my business. I don't feel bad saying "No." I used to. I realize you have to be friends with yourself before you can be any type of person to another. Just because you want it doesn't mean you deserve it.

You get what you put in. Thank you everyone for letting me get some things on paper and out of my head.

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Comments

Hi

still_hiding's picture

I was diagnosed about 18 years ago and I am so afraid of saying anything to anyone. Only my sister knows and I told her almost 2 years ago. I am afraid of the stigma. What people will say or think. I feel so alone most of the time but I push myself through it. I will one day be able to show my face.

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I hid for so long.

Angel S.'s picture

I hid for so long. It's a personal choice that will change your life forever. Until l met the women at the well project, and went to a speak up conference did I realize I was someone that was creating stigmas for myself and for others by not standing up for myself. When jokes and topics on HIV and AIDS came up if I was educated on that topic I would try to talk about it hoping that when he did come out people would be educated that are around me and better to accept me. This is such a hard illness to navigate through. I'm not a doctor or therapist and I'm certainly not mentally stable to be giving people advice I just know how it happened for me. But don't worry about if you're hiding it look yourself in the mirror and say I am HIV positive and you're the only one that's between you God and your partner. Getting care stay in care and don't forget self care. You're beautiful and you're worthy. This is just for me how I did it I do not recommend anybody to disclose their status if they're not ready too. My first Convention let me release so much that I was hiding and I was new I seen all the women they're all so beautiful smart and they weren't letting others to take their lives ,for me I took baby steps until I came out completely. Stigma is very tough. People are very mean so very uneducated. All I can say is be easy on yourself don't worry about if you're hiding it. Know you have lost no value. You gained a bigger a bigger family and lots of support. You do it in your time . And don't let other people's feelings or fears be your own. Much love and support..

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Dear Hiding <3

Red40something's picture

You have a place here where you can come without fear. I must admit, I feel both sad for you carrying this burden alone for that that long, and yet I also admire your strength at doing so and you are still here!! Stigma is real, and people say ignorant things, hopefully, you love yourself and know you are not your diagnosis. You are so much more!!! I pray you find moments of joy to offset your fear. When you get lonely, remember this community of women is here for you! 

 

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Love yourself the more!

boseolotu's picture

Hey Angel,
Hope you are well, healthy and keeping safe?
Well do you know what I told myself a long time ago?
I told myself this, I am the most important person in any relationship, so therefore I must love myself the most and the more.
Krista, help me to notice this some years back. When I attended my first meeting in NYC in 2011. I bought lots of gifts for families and friends and at the end of my shopping she asked Bose what did you buy for yourself...! And I just smiled and said nothing. And that is not the first time I am doing that like I live my life for others.
So what I am trying to say is please Live your life for you. Love yourself and choose to be happy!
Sending you light and Love my darling sister. Be Happy and take good care of yourself.
Love
Bose

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Inspired

ci.ciiiiii's picture

Thank you for sharing this. It inspires me to do the same. Just get these thoughts out of my head and put on paper. I hope all is well. And that it only gets better. 

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