Freaking Out a Bit

Submitted on May 19, 2019 by  Nancy Duncan

I sometimes feel like the last 22 years or so I've been living on borrowed time. I guess that's why whenever I have any kind of health scare I kind of freak out a bit. It's sort of a post-traumatic stress disorder that many of us long-term survivors seem to have. Last year I got through a slew of health problems and thought maybe this year would be better. Now I found out I need surgery to remove a kidney stone and even though I’ve been through so much worse, it still scares me. I guess it's because of all the HIV medications I've been on for the last 30 years. I always wondered what affect this would have on me, especially my kidneys. I'm holding out hope and praying that it will all be okay. I always try and stay on top of my health, and if something seems not right, I always get it checked as soon as I can. I think that is also why I'm still here. When I think of everything I've struggled through and made it out over the years I just say to myself. "I can't believe I’m still here", and for that I am most grateful.

Submitted by Lovinglife101


I can definitely identify with "freaking out".  We are the first cohort of women growing older with HIV.  Those of us who have been on long term therapy are now going through or have gone through menopause and other life changes with little guidance from our physicians.  I find myself asking, is it the HIV, my mental health, aging, or simply exhaustion.

Although I have been seeing the same doctor for decades, I recently feel as if she is minimizing my health concerns or am I just overreacting.

I am grateful you are here and I am also grateful to be here.  I have been busy the past year but hope to be more involved again soon. 

I love you ((hugs))



Submitted by CrystalHMorabito

I know exactly how you feel; you could be talking about me Nancy! I’ve had more than my share of scary health issues as well; most recently pneumonia, which I’m still trying to recover from! It doesn’t help that I’m 62yrs old; Poz since 2007. I tire easily since the pneumonia; im trusting my body to know what it needs (like extra rest)...nonetheless I’m struggling with having to pace myself. I’ve always been that do it yourself woman; I hate asking for help!  Ah wel... I’ll live (and that ALWAYS beats the alternative!). 

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