How I help

Submitted on Nov 17, 2010 by  bee2art

I often read the blogs where women have found empowerment by revealing their status and becoming involved as AIDS activists. I admire all of you who are so honest. The mere thought of sharing mine publicly makes me break out in a cold sweat. I know I would lose my job as a teacher, even though I've taught for 25 years and know I'm effective in educating kids.

Yet, I feel I'm living an unauthentic life by having this dark cloud secret hanging over my head. The status has basically paralyzed me as far as having a relationship with a man. Having been rejected once, I certainly don't want that situation again. I felt very vulnerable and fearful that he might tell the wrong person - what if it were to get back to the administration in the school district where I teach?!

The best way I've been dealing with this dishonesty (if you will) has been to co-lead a Gay Straight Alliance club at the high school where HIV is a topic we discuss as a group. Educating young adults and helping them become activists for HIV, Gay rights and bullying has given me some peace.

Additionally, I've allowed myself to be a guinea pig for the AMA. I'm currently in four studies. One study is for a new drug combo. The other studies compliment the first - neurological, physiological, and the most recent - how HIV affects aging. When I decided to do the first drug combo study I couldn't see any reason to NOT participate in the rest. Although it makes for long days and sometimes grueling testing, I guess this is my way to help out. Someday I hope to use my voice. Right now, I'm allowing my body to be used. Now then, where's that study for inflammation!!


Submitted by Thando

you have mentioned something that has been on my mind for the last couple of months. My husband asked me if i would ever consider tellin anyone about my status, hes negetive and he wonders from time to time if i will ever tell our family and friends. Unlike you i jus live my life i dont do anything dont advocate or anything like that. My answer was i dont think i fear what people would say especially the ones that i love because they love me so much i dont want them to worry so much as far as friends go they dont need to know because i think about they way they carry on about HIV like they are the lucky ones , they have lived thier lives so cleverly. But in all honesty it doesnt bother me. i told my husband that jus livin my life the way i want was jus enough for me , gettin up and doin the things that need to be done like takin care of our son and jus being me . I am not in denial but i dont to make HIV a part of my everyday life. We are free to talk about at home my husband can ask me any questions he likes and tell me his fears . We talk it about it all , but i have never felt obligated to go out there and do things coz i feel that would eat me up and break me down. So i think whatever you feel thats where your peace lies . You have to make a choice on how best to live your life and make the most it..

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