I Choose to Be Kind to My Mind

Submitted on Jun 18, 2026 by boseolotu

Photo courtesy of author

I have not written or posted a blog for a while now. I have been struggling with lots of challenges that affect my mental health in many ways. Life just keeps throwing tantrums at me. When I think it is over or I am at the end of this challenge, yet another keeps punching me to the ground.

I've tried many times to find purpose. I keep silent for many years because I truly do not know what to do or how to express my feelings other than crying in my quiet moments. I keep telling myself to be strong and courageous for others, but I am broken and so is my life. I feel worthless and hopeless most of the time and my heart keeps leading me down to that path of self-destruction.

Talking with my psychologist and taking medication have really helped me pull through. I'm learning to be brave and not to just be a brave talker. I'm learning to act more and not just to dream. Each session I have with my psychologist has helped me improve and I am really working on my mind. And learning how to be more kind to myself. But the world is tainted and life is broken. This has muddied my view and hope for what the future holds.

I turned fifty last year and when I looked back to how life has beaten me several times, I felt like giving up and ending it.

I understand that I am hurt, but God provides me with HIS love and forgiveness. I am trying to accept the chaos in my life and looking for God in it, rather than avoiding or distracting from the chaos of life. I understand that as long as I live, life will keep throwing tantrums at me.

Meeting with different clients every day has also given me courage and strength to face my life challenges squarely and not with fear. But lately my fears and anxiety level have been so high that it cripples me, sometimes causing my mind and brain to freeze. Sometimes I just feel like staying indoors and don't want to see or communicate with the rest of the world.

But I'm learning to choose myself and lean on God, I'm moving my body, singing or dancing when words fail, and also allowing myself some rest without feeling guilt. Some days are light and others are heavy, but caring for my mental health is part of treatment, just like managing HIV medication.

Where I come from, once it has been said that you have mental health issues, people say you are crazy and need to be under lock and key; that is their understanding of someone dealing with mental health issues and because of this stigma, we do not talk about our challenges.

These days I choose to be kind to my mind, and I choose to remember that none of us are meant to do this alone.

Comments

7 comments

Dear Bose,I remember meeting…

Submitted by Lovinglife101 • 3 weeks ago

Dear Bose,

I remember meeting you in 2012 at the International AIDS Conference, and I thought you were amazing then. I still do. I love you.

Thank you for sharing this so openly and honestly. Your words are powerful because they name the pain, the stigma, the exhaustion, and the courage it takes to keep choosing yourself. Across the world, so many people are silently carrying the weight of mental health challenges, HIV stigma, cultural expectations, faith, family responsibilities, and the pressure to appear strong. Your willingness to speak from your own experience helps break that silence.

I am especially moved by how you describe learning to be kind to your mind. That is such a profound act of self-preservation and self-love. I am glad you are receiving support, and I appreciate the way you remind us that caring for our mental health is part of treatment and healing, just like managing HIV medication.

Your voice matters deeply. Your honesty will reach people in many places who may not yet have the words, safety, or support to speak about what they are going through. Please know that your life, your story, and your continued presence matter.

I am holding you in love, respect, and admiration. Please keep choosing yourself, keep resting when you need to, and keep being kind to your mind. The world needs you, and I am grateful to know you.

Vickie Lynn

Sending love!

Submitted by Red40something • 3 weeks ago

Sending you all the hugs and light and joy! You are so amazing. I am glad you are hanging in there are making your way. I know its not easy, but your light shines so bright and the world needs it.

You matter!

Thank you

Submitted by boseolotu • 2 weeks ago

Thank you, so much big sis,

Every time I see POZ magazine and your face on the cover, I tell everyone, ''Yep---that's my big sis Bridget!''😄it always makes me smile.

Thank you for all the incredible work you're doing globally, you're truly inspiring.

Be Kind

Submitted by boseolotu • 2 weeks ago

Wow Vickie!!!,

Thank you so much for this, hearing from you after all these years really means a lot to me and your kind warm words are heartwarming.

I really appreciate your encouragement and your kindness. knowing that my story might help someone else makes sharing feel worth it. Thank you for reaching out and for reminding me that none of us should do this alone.

Sending you Love and gratitude. I am really glad to hear from you. Love You💙💙💙💙💙

Bose!!!

Submitted by Ci Ci • 2 weeks ago

The image that popped up in my head as I was reading was of you dancing in the middle of the exhibit hall at that conference and the smile that took over your face. It's sort of like the one in your picture here. Thank you for sharing that for us when the battle on the inside is tough. This was extremely relatable and I am giving you the biggest virtual hug. Please don't lock Bose behind lock and key! She is a light that cannot be contained!!!

It is good you are working…

Submitted by JustineDD • 1 week ago

It is good you are working on being kind to your mind. I think our minds can get the best of us sometimes especially when the world continues to be in chaos. Resting is very important to our bodies. I encourage you take that time and selfcare for yourself. I will also hold myself to that because I also struggle with the guilt of rest. You deserve everything amazing.

Dear bose

Submitted by MariaHIVMejia • 4 days ago

I miss you so much and I cannot wait for the day that we see each other again it’s been too long time is passing too fast! I also find myself in the same state of mind. Sometimes we have to talk to ourselves with our own inner strength and get ourselves out of it and change our mindset! This is something I’m trying to practice to, but do you know that anytime you want to vent and you feel lost please write me. I am here just as I know that you are there.

Maria

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