Lately I've not been blogging simply because I've been sick. For the first time since my diagnosis 4 years ago, I'm actually experiencing signs and symptoms of HIV. This has been very difficult for me to grasp. I've denied it and blamed on other factors. But I know the truth, my body is beginning to lose the battle. I need to get on medication.
I've fought getting on medication. I'm not sure why exactly... A sense of pride maybe. For some reason when I tell people that I'm HIV positive, but I'm not on medication yet, they have a sense of relief on their face. This is true especially in the medical field. I've noticed several times when I've stated this to doctors or nurses who were treating me for something else entirely, they would seem relieved that I was not yet on medication and somehow happy for me.
The truth is, I can no longer wait. If I continue to wait, I am only hurting myself and my family. I've not felt well for a several months now. I'm tired. I have an upset stomach, a headache, a stiff neck. I seem to get every flu-like symptom known and I've even had shingles. I've missed so much work lately, which is very unlike me.
It's time for me to stop fighting the stigma of medication and take control of my health. My next follow-up appointment with my HIV doctor is in another month. I plan to come fully prepared to take home a new prescription.