When I looked at this photo, I immediately looked at my stomach... but not for the reasons you might think.
Yes, body image has been a thing my entire life. And yes, this is the smallest I've been since probably elementary school. But the pause, the stare, it had nothing to do with my weight.
It was something deeper.
A brief conversation this weekend put everything into perspective. From intentional conversations over the last few weeks to what felt like "random" comments, it all suddenly came full circle.
A few weeks ago, I was asked, "How do you know you're ready to be a wife?" Then yesterday, surrounded by kids, I found myself in awe. There was a lighthearted comment about baby fever... but honestly, it's not even that.
It's family fever.
When I saw this image, I immediately envisioned myself pregnant! And in that moment, it felt like a gentle nudge from God... quiet, loving, reassuring... letting me know that something I once pushed far away is, in fact, coming.
Not wanting children stemmed from a PCOS diagnosis at age 11. Then, being HIV positive became the new excuse... and for years I believed the lie that no one would truly choose me, love me fully, or want to build a life with me because of it. I didn't always say that out loud, but it lived quietly in my heart and it shaped so many of my answers about marriage, love and children.
For decades, I said I didn't want children. Then I said I'd adopt. Then I went back to saying no kids at all.
But if I'm being honest, those responses were rooted in trauma... fear, shame and a version of myself that hadn't yet fully healed.
Lately, though, something has shifted.
Seeing so many of my POZ family in traditional heterosexual relationships getting married, building homes and having children does more than give me hope. It makes my heart genuinely smile. It reminds me that the stories I told myself were never the truth... they were just survival narratives.
This season of deep self-reflection, healing, and learning to truly depend on God has taught me so much. But the biggest lesson of all?
The lies didn't come from Him.
Love was never out of reach.
And His promises were never limited by a diagnosis.
He calls us to love unconditionally.
He calls us to multiply... in love, in legacy and in faith.
I know His timing is perfect. I trust that now in a way I never could before. And I believe that one day, I'll have my own family... One rooted in truth, covered in grace and built on a love I once thought wasn't possible for me.
Until then, I'll keep envisioning.
I'll keep believing.
And I'll keep trusting in His divine plan.
