HIV and Love

Love, how beautiful it is! This is so important for people living with HIV/AIDS...to have someone who loves you for you and can see past the illness, that is if they are negative..I am very blessed that after all these years of being positive and thinking way back ( I WILL NEVER MARRY), I have been blessed with such a loving and caring partner. :) She is a key element in my health, believe it or not! When you are loved and cared for..your heart and soul fills up inside. You are happier and feel complete, all these things make your immune system go up..and it is not only the love of your partner, wife, husband..it comes from anyone that shows you love and cares for you! A friend, your family...even strangers...people just don't know how important it is to love and be loved for us. My partner, Lisa, would be the first one to say she was part of the ignorance, of course until I came along...

It is not easy to disclose your HIV status, but I guess I have a method to my madness :) if you want to call it that way. Almost all my life I have been with HIV negative partners...only one positive and that was actually my worst  relationship..although we learn from good and bad relationships. My method is to get to know the person first and feel them out...if you see things are getting deep, and I mean spiritually and mentally, you must disclose and give them the opportunity to choose. It is not an easy thing to do..I get so scared! I guess the fear of rejection or having someone you connect to on so many levels and maybe they can't deal with the situation..which is also very valid. My situation was, WOW! I found my soul mate after all these years..I feel so much for this person..now I have to tell her about me! everything about me! oh my god! what if she rejects me,or stops talking to me...Well, I said to myself, you are a strong woman! Tell her! And make her feel comfortable either way! So I actually disclosed through our chats in the computer lol..I guess easier being rejected in the computer than in person! I have to be honest, I beat around the bush like for an hour!

"Lisa I have something very serious to say about me before we move forward!!" Oh my! I just couldn't type the words at that moment..

She would reply, "Tell me! I dont care what it is!"

I answered, "Well it something very very serious..." and I was driving her insane! cause I just couldn't say it ! I was thinking OMG Maria say it and get it over with! But how sad to know we are in love and I might lose her today! so I wrote: I AM HIV POSITIVE .. but of course I did not click send yet! I paused and said "ok Lisa here it goes!" and I clicked 'send'..I felt like throwing up..anxious..Everythingggggg..

She paused for a second and said "OK , and?" "So," I said, "that is my secret.."

She responded, "I don't care I already love you!" I told her "If you have any questions, I would be more than glad to answer them..." She responded "If I do, I will ask you!"

So I was like, wow! Still felt I might be putting her in the spot! So I said, "You know, if you need time to think or just want to be friends I am ok with that also.." She responded "NO! I love you!" Those were the sweetest words to my ears! All my fears were gone! Finally, my soul mate knew everything about me..it is such a wonderful moment! You feel so free. :) So we continued to chat for hours and she said jokingly, "My god, I thought you were going to tell me you were a man, or a murderer, or that you had child you gave up.." lol ..so this is part of my story of  Love. :)

It has been 4 years since this event..we are happily married and going strong. :) Recently we both did the My AIDS campaign.

My campaign is "My HIV, My strength." and Lisa's is "My partner, My commitment!" How beautiful is that! And by this, she is exposing herself to the stigma, as an HIV-negative person being with a positive person! But guess what! She doesn't care what people think! She is supportive, compassionate, loving, and I am blessed to be a part of her life! I have told her if me finding a cure meant having to leave you, I would choose living with you because living with you is my happiness...which is ultimately what we as human beings are looking for! Being straight, gay, bi whatever! It doesn't matter...WE ALL NEED TO LOVE AND BE LOVED :)! As we both have said from the start... IN IT TILL THE END :)

Lisa Laing, this blog is dedicated to you!

With all my soul

Maria T Mejia

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Comments

Mariatmejia's picture

Hello BERNADETTE ty so much! yes its unconditional Love :) ty for your words! xoxo

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Mariatmejia's picture

Dear anonymous I am so sorry what happened to you! that was so unfair what he did! wth?? he didnt even give you an option! that is the coward way! he didnt give you a chance to chose! that is not love! I am very upset for you! :( and deeply sorry! we must forgive and this is true! but we dont forget things like this! you are 22 years old! and believe me..I have been in many relationships with negative people..so dont think he is your only option in life cause you got hiv from him! if you ever need to chat add me in facebook ..my name there is Maria Hiv or find me by mariahiv1111@yahoo.com...peace and love xoxo Maria T Mejia

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DARAMOLA TOSIN's picture

love your story.... it s giving hope to all HIV+ singles out there among which I AM.
KEEP IT UP.....
GOD BLESS .

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Kristi2020's picture

Maria- Wow. Wonderful post, wonderful story, and totally inspiring. I LOVE your poster, and Lisa's poster for the campaign. I hope, someday, I'll get there...regarding comign out about my status. I am not there yet, but it is people like you that are paving the way. Thank you thank you thank you and LOVE. And give Lisa a hug for me. Just to know there are understanding and supportive partners out there for us is inspiring.

Lynn

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BERNADETTE VILLARRUEL's picture

THIS IS WHAT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE LOOKS & FEELS LIKE,...

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Mariatmejia's picture

Aww ty Lynn :) it came from my soul :) and dont worry you will get there soon! it took me quite sometime to come out of the Hiv closet! and I gave Lisa a huge hug from you :) and yes! we just have to know that their are people in the world that will love us no matter what..because it is meant to be..much LOVE and HUGS my dear friend!
with love,
Maria
P.S
Ty for liking my blog :)

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Anonymous's picture

Hy im a 22year old who is hiv+ found out about my status last year july i thought my whole world waz crushed, i thought y me and i kept on feeling sorry 4 myself i have'nt told my family but i spoke to my partner i waz so upset when he told me, he gave me hiv because he ddint want to lose me But i mananged to forgive him but i dnt trust and love him anymore. how can i restore everythng after everythng he has put me through

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tere's picture

Maria .I like your blog . you talk with your heart . and when somebody is very honest to talk , all will finish good. congratulation
I love you
your mom
Tere

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Mariatmejia's picture

Why does the neighborhood buck?

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Mariatmejia's picture

Mom..Gracias por tu apoyo :)..ty mom for being my other Love and my rock :) I have learned these wonderful values of honesty from you! you are who inspires me to be the best I can be! and have so much faith in god! ty for always being there!
Love you
your daughter
Maria teresa Mejia

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vlw's picture

A very uplifting story. I was diagnosed 2 years ago, and have yet to go back into a relationship. I can imagine how difficult it was to tell your partner, but it was lovely to see that she was very supportive. Being happy is definitely important to the immune system, and a happy relationship would certainly be a nice thing to have! Me wants! Ha! :)

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Refilwe's picture

me 3wants...lol...eish...

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celina5000's picture

Dear Maria, what a wonderful story and of course I have to add a quotation from my favorite 12th century poet, RUMI, who said:

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along.

Thank you to both of you for sharing your happiness. It's a gift. Gisele

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Mariatmejia's picture

Hello Vlw! ty for your words :) it was so difficult..but we must do it ..its part of living with this :0 we must give and option to the person :) you know their are many places for hiv poz people to meet..I have many also on my facebook add me if you like :) Maria Hiv xoxo

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Mariatmejia's picture

@ Gisele what can I say! you always inspire me with your words! xoxox ty ty ty..for always having something beautiful to say! btw I read it to Lisa :) xoxo Love and Light!
Maria

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Pelisa Homani's picture

Your story is so uplifting. I found out I was HIV pos 6 months ago. My baby was since months old and he got sick, was tested and found to be suffering from a virus normally found from HIV pos children. I then tested came back pos. Disclosed to my partner and since then I do not know where our relationship is. Not sure whether we are together or not. Have asked him if he wansts to move as he is negative. I still love him but I have no idea where I am with him. We share the same bed but he can't bring himself to make love to me. I feel so lonely, sometimes it hurts so much I want to do as I want him to love me unconditionally. I am still hurting inside about my status but the goods news is my son is now negative after he was diagnosed as positive 3 months ago. To me thats a sign there is still hope for me out there

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Jessica's picture

Don't ever think you aren't good enough for him, because he is the one not good enough for you. If he isn't willing to go through the hardships with you, as hard as it may seem, freeing yourself of him will help build your self esteem. You health is not only about medicine and a healthy life style, its also depends on who you surround yourself with. Having him around while he practically ignores you will only tear you down, and your goal is to build yourself up so you can be healthy for you and your son. Trust me there is someone out there for you, and that will be the one who loves you unconditionally for who you are not what you have. I have met every kind of scumbag and when I finally took time to concentrate on myself and my son, I learned to love myself all over again, and soon enough the love of my life found me. He is negative and is the greatest thing to happen to me and my son. So don't settle for anyone less than what your worth!

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Refilwe's picture

Now that a defination of love to me....Ooh how I wish I was in your country, because sweety that can never happen in South Africa...lol...lol...sweet girl...

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fifi's picture

wow Maria this is great. i thought i was going to lose my patner when i finally disclosed to him he proposed and i felt okay this is the time i really need to tell him about my status,he cried and i was at work the whole time and he said baby i have chest pains we will talk later but i want you to know this i love you and will always do.when i got time went straight to bed then lated i think after 5 he called me and sain nothing has changed you are still the lady i fell inlove with,the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with i was like are you sure?and he said i am.now we are engaged and preparing to get married before september.i agree there are people who still love unconditonal i have met my soul mate too and he is HIV negative

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Jessica's picture

Truly great story! I feel the exact same way and its even harder when you're already in love with someone to disclose, so you are very brave. Disclosing is definitely the toughest thing, so many emotions especially when you sincerely feel a connection with someone and you just want it to work. I have had more men accept me than turn me away, but at the time I wasn't truly happy with myself so I would end things anyways. Once I accepted my illness and that I am still me and HIV didn't define me, I told myself if someone doesn't except me for the great person I am regardless of me being positive then he isn't good enough for me anyways! Eventually I found the right person, and I believe there is a happy ending for everyone regardless of their status, just don't settle! You need to be happy with yourself, don't look for someone else to do it for you!

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jackonovich's picture

hi
i am hiv + and my partner is hiv-. she has run away. she is fearful. i dont know what if feels like for her. i am so sad about this.

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Mariatmejia's picture

Hello Jackonovich! I understand this must be very hard..the reality is many are with fear because they lack they information on Hiv /Aids. give her some time! if its meant to be it will be! add me on facebook maria hiv mejia! I have a huge support group for people from all over the world

love and light

Maria

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NT's picture

This is a great story. My partner has recently found he is pos and I still love him so much. But I am so so so scared. I fear to see him suffer and I don't know what is going to happen. All I know I am scared but I will stay because that what my heart tells me to do. I send you love and light x

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Mariatmejia's picture

Ty so much..add me on fb Maria HIV Mejia..I have many support groups there..where you will learn so much. love and light

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momo's picture

Girlfriend i love your blog....especially on the part that one first has to know the person and tell them later..........and Lisa you are an Angel,,,,,,,,hugs and kisses to you all guys....you keep me going.

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momo's picture

I like your poster my partner my commitment....i wish my partner could be as committed....

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Mariatmejia's picture

Ty so much MOMO <3 love and light..I am really blessed to have her in my life. with the good and the hard times of every relationship :) we have grown so much since we met more than 5 years ago :)

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kenneth's picture

Wow inspiring and motivating stories , You ladies uplift me to higher heights and i am grateful to you ladies of your courage, deimination hope GOD gives you strenght and courage i am Hiv negavine and i am in love with a beautiful , loving woman who is Hiv Pos and i dont see her as positive she is a normal human being i give her support and i even introduced her to you ladies and i gave her time to recover at her own time she means the world to me keep it up ladies and dont forget that every pot has its own lid

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Mariatmejia's picture

that is a beautiful thing xo love and light

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kenneth's picture

That's Unconditional love dear

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Mariatmejia's picture

amen Kenneth :) it sure is! I am blessed to have her and she is blessed to have me :)

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Fernando Martinez's picture

I am so happy to found at this Strong woman. ! Maria Mejia. Love ya. Fernando Martinez

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Fernando Martinez's picture

I am so happy to found a Strong woman. ! Maria Mejia. Love ya. Fernando Martinez

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Mariatmejia's picture

Ty very much Fernando

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