Should I blame him for walking out on me and trying to retain his negative status and refuse to be put at risk, or should I thank him for urging both of us to get tested?
It cannot be easy. For some time now I have been battling with acceptance of the fact that he is no longer in my life. This is the person who used to make me smile and kept the spark in my eye. When he decided to walk away, I thought my world had just crumbled down on me. I became suicidal and for a moment, stopped living.
Then I realized that there is so much more to life than that 1 person in your life. Yes, we all need love, we all need to be loved, BUT, love will always come at the right time. We should not go chasing after love as it will always find us. I am currently NOT in a relationship, but I have not given up on love. Joy, peace, prosperity and LOVE awaits me on the other side of the door. Whatever is meant to be mine will be, and it is required of me to have faith and remain focused. I have learnt to love myself through self acceptance and forgiveness. The journey to total happiness is not always smooth, but if you stay staring at the closed door, you might miss the other doors that are opening up for you. The person who is responsible for your happiness is YOU!
One thing that I am taking out of this experience is that although I started as “Barely Coping”, my name is about to change. Change is the only constant and a positive change is coming my way.