Not Every Door is Locked

Should I blame him for walking out on me and trying to retain his negative status and refuse to be put at risk, or should I thank him for urging both of us to get tested? It cannot be easy. For some time now I have been battling with acceptance of the fact that he is no longer in my life. This is the person who used to make me smile and kept the spark in my eye. When he decided to walk away, I thought my world had just crumbled down on me. I became suicidal and for a moment, stopped living. Then I realized that there is so much more to life than that 1 person in your life. Yes, we all need love, we all need to be loved, BUT, love will always come at the right time. We should not go chasing after love as it will always find us. I am currently NOT in a relationship, but I have not given up on love. Joy, peace, prosperity and LOVE awaits me on the other side of the door. Whatever is meant to be mine will be, and it is required of me to have faith and remain focused. I have learnt to love myself through self acceptance and forgiveness. The journey to total happiness is not always smooth, but if you stay staring at the closed door, you might miss the other doors that are opening up for you. The person who is responsible for your happiness is YOU! One thing that I am taking out of this experience is that although I started as “Barely Coping”, my name is about to change. Change is the only constant and a positive change is coming my way. HUGS…….. :)




coping's picture

this posts keep me going, its gud to know that you are not alone

and i agree with you. only you can make yourself happy.


Silindile's picture

Sheeesh this is so profound , I totally agree to the statement being made that we dertemine our own happiness , I also discosled my status to my husband before we got married after he had to deal with cold fronts from his family because I arrived in his live with 3 kids and he had none and the HIV was just too much but he accepted my status and was so concerned about the kids I told him they are fine so at times I feel like such an alien ( sic ) in the house cos everyone wants to play doctor to me when its time to take my tabs, my eldest kid knows and understands what HIV is but the younger kids dont but it's just so amazing to be surrounded by such love and compassion especially from such a great man , my parents also took the news queite well .**Note to Bill you are one of the few species of good men left , I was also on my death bed and the smiles of kids showed me I owe it to them to life and take care of them little did I know God was preparing the perfect man for me.


Bill Horne's picture

I think if he didn't leave you now, he would of left you later, positive or not. I think it may well be better he has gone, and you can get on with your life. I'm a guy so I have some idea of what guys do. Never give up on love, there is always someone better.
I met a lovely lady from the Philippines, and went over to meet her and her lovely family. I spent 11 days there. I returned a few months later and we were married and i spent 3 weeks there with her before I had to return to Australia. We lodged her visa application on the day I flew out. she later had to do a medical, and that is when she found out she was positive. She was scared to tell me, and it took awhile before she did tell me, as she thought I would leave her. Well I can tell you we are still fighting Immigration and they are making us jump through hoops, but there is nothing more that I want than her by my side.


barelycoping's picture

Hi Bill,
I so wish all men were like you. I wish you all the best in your marriage and please take care of that lovely lady. I hope one day, I too, will be in a position to can share a lovely story of acceptance, love, happiness and courage. Good luck with the immigration and I wish you all the best. Yours is a story that needs to be told and most importantly, HEARD.




dasassidiva's picture

reading dis post made me shed a tear as it reminds of sum many things that have happened in my short existence...embrace change and I love the part where you say: the only person responsible for your hapiness is you. Cudn't agree more...hugs back @ you


mirriam's picture

Hello dear,
i completely understand the situation u r i, don't blame him either 4 letting u get tested for HIV, It is good that u now know ur status and u can make informed decisions on ur future as well. Love will come by just don't work ur self u its not good for u, me or any one else. I have gone through the same situation but for my case i knew my status and i told him every thing and it was not his problem at the beginning but later when he got advise from other people he walked out on me, i felt like ending my life too. But my online friends here encouraged me a lot and i have forgotten every thing and living my happy life. Lover yourself and take control of the situation because you are worth more than silver and goal. u r precious and beautiful.



barelycoping's picture

Dear Olayiwola,

Please give that bundle of joy a kiss for me. Just like Bill, I really commend your partner for sticking by your side and accepting you for the woman that you are. A true example of "love conquers all".



Olayiwola Khadijat's picture


Truly not every door is locked . I had similar experience ,I was on my sick bed when I got to know

my HIV status. I showed it to him immediately and advised him to have his test done. He left me

there with no response from him and never come back to me till date . initially coping with my HIV

+ve status, the illness and the loneliness my fiance left me with was like hell. After starting my

ARV drugs I was back on my feet , started a job, try to put everything behind me and make

myself happy. I made up my mind to disclose my HIV status to any man that comes my way.

Most get their way out of my life , some stayed as friends and later i got a man after telling him

everything about myself , including my HIV status he still want me as wife. We are happily married

now with a baby boy, by 27th of March 2012 my boy will be five (5) years old. My spouse is still

negative to HIV and likewise my child. With this my true life story, I quiet agree with you that

"NOT EVERY DOOR IS LOCKED" and the person who is responsible for your happiness is no

one but YOU .


positevelysweet's picture

Bill, Olayiwola and Silindile, your stories give us so much hope. Thank you for sharing with us


Bill Horne's picture

Hi guys, well just an update, my lovely wife is with me now in Australia, but we could only get a 3 month tourist visa for her as immigration refused her spouse visa, because of her HIV. I now have to come up with $1540 for the appeal as well as $3000 for a migration lawyer, but we only have about 2 weeks now to get that. On top of that, the tax office decided to investigate my tax return, and they decided I was getting too much back so they cut it down to just $123 instead of the $5500 that I had claimed. My tax return would have covered the costs, so now I think we have to start all over again. I'm sure we will get there, but it's just going to take time and money.
When I met her at the airport yesterday, she was so happy, and the smile on her face said everything, we just embraced and held each other, for so long.


barelycoping's picture

Hi Bill, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope everything will work on your favour soon. Please do not falter and keep on being supportive and loving to your wife. She is very lucky to have a loving partner like you. Keep well, God bless and all the best.


momo's picture guys are great....thanx for leting me know that love will alwas be there for you my friends......Hugs and Kisses...


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