For some reason, every time I sit down to write my blog over the last couple weeks, I get very upset, emotionally and physically. I literally begin to feel sick to my stomach. My mind races of everything I want to say, but can’t seem to type.
I believe this is from the fact that as I write my blog, the HIV becomes real. Sometimes, I think I live in denial. But when I do things like write about it or talk about it, it all becomes so real.
Sometimes when I lie down at night, my mind races, as it has throughout the day, with thoughts on HIV and my life before and after. Other times, I lie down and think to myself, wow - I made it through a day without thinking about ‘it.’
It’s a very tough balance. I need to be Mom, wife, career woman, student, volunteer and now I’ve added HIV advocate/educator. It can be very distracting to balance all that life has to give you. But I do it. I do it everyday. The one thing that keeps me going is my son. He is my reason. Without him, I may not care so much and I’d probably let a few things go. But because of him, I not only survive, I succeed!