It has been a while since I wrote anything, but I have been reading a lot of the blogs. I had my health in check or so I thought. I ate well, rested, took vitamins and took care of myself when I was ill but I still couldn't stop my CD4 count from dropping. And to think two years ago it increased. Well, last year it dropped so badly that my refusal to start treatment since January 2014 was pointless.
I refused treatment because I feared the side effects especially the mental ones, but in December 2015 I eventually gave up and started treatment. Well I must say the side effects in the first week were terrible but not as bad as I had anticipated. I spent most of the holidays sleeping for fear of exposing myself or something terrible happening.
I prayed hard that I don't have terrible dreams, insomnia or other mental related side effects and thank God I had a few sleepless nights, a few nights of vivid dreams and nothing else. The dizziness on the other hand, oh sweet Lord, it's three weeks later and some nights I walk to the loo holding on to the wall. I have avoided indulging in the festivities of the holidays and eating a lot for fear of puking.
I think in all honesty I'm still scared. What I feared before treatment I still fear even though I've started. I've lost some weight and have had a cough for a few days and alarm bells are going off. What if it's TB, or drug resistance and from what I've read it is still early to tell. However I must admit it's not as bad as I thought or rather read. I'm hoping that in a few weeks I will fear less and be well adjusted.
I guess four years later, it is for real... I'm a young woman living with HIV.