Transition

My life has hit some major bumps in the road. Many because I chose not to deal with traumatic events in my life. I allowed them to build up in an internal closet and wore a mask as if everything were alright. That closet became so full that it busted wide open and spilled out in a messy heap of Complex PTSD all over my life. This affected every aspect of my life: my jobs, my home, and my relationships. I felt isolated from the whole world as I had lost my jobs, home, car and I felt I had lost my own identity. I lived in Virginia and had very little of a social network because it wasn't my home.

One day I realized that every time I reached out for support it was to friends and family in Alabama primarily. I realized that I was longing for the life that I had left three years ago in Alabama. I began to see that a huge part of healing for me from Complex PTSD was to be surrounded by a strong support network, such as the one I had in Alabama. This meant that a huge transition was about to unfold in my life.

The transition can be frightening, but it can be made easier with proper planning. I am somewhat pro at this as I have lived in 11 states, but it never is easy. Especially this one, because I was moving without income and not having income once I got to Alabama either. I just had the promise of a gracious friend providing a roof over my head, another beloved friend allowing me the use of her car once I fixed it and the promise of support from family.

I had been applying for disability and as soon as I arrived here I received a denial notice. I, therefore, reset my plans to land a part-time job to looking for full-time work that wouldn't trigger my PTSD.

Before arriving I began the process of establishing and re-establishing all of my healthcare needs by scheduling appointments. I was fortunate to learn that my former HIV clinic is now an FQHC (federally qualified health clinic) and can provide my primary care, GYN, mental health, HIV and vision, and dental referral, plus later down the road assist me with housing. It was also nice to come back to familiar and supportive faces.

Transition is not easy and it can be very frightening, especially in my circumstance. Before I left I was in a constant state of depression and anxiety. Today, I am in Alabama and for the first time I feel that I may be home and I feel happy and optomistic. I still struggle with anxiety but my future feels like it is full of promise. 

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Link for Complex Trauma: What is C-PTSD? (Beauty After Bruises)

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