My (chosen) name is Sonia. I am 31 years old and discovered I am HIV+ less than a month ago. Still feels like a bad dream and I have been waiting for somebody to wake me up, but doesn't seem to happen. I bumped into this website while searching on the internet for "Life after finding out you are HIV". I am from India, and being a third world nation struggling for a place in the modern world, people are still are not 'modern' enough to accept HIV as a reality that can be a part of anybody's life, whether it's their fault or not. In fact my doctor, who is well aware of the social pressures of the community, has advised I keep this reality limited to my spouse and immediate family only. Hence the alias. I was, till a month ago living in the UAE and extremely happy. My husband had a great job and life was good. We have been married for just above 3 years and been trying for a baby for the last 2 years. A routine bloodtest, for my Visa extension, brought up my HIV positive status and I was asked to leave the country right away. Leave my home which I had built bit by bit. I am still not able to come to terms with the fact that I will never be seeing my beautiful home, full of precious memories, ever again. Around a year ago we found out that my husband was azoospermic, that meant I could never be pregnant with his child. After a lot of thinking, we decided to go ahead with the donor sperm method, without telling anybody. I had my first IUI in Feb 2010, and it was unsuccessful. I was looking forward to November, because we had planned to try again. little did we know that by the time October came to an end, our lives would have changed forever. I have never had a sexual relationship with anybody else except my husband, never done drugs, never undergone a blood transfusion. My husband is HIV negative, and I am not. The only possible answer to how I contracted this deadly virus is medical negligence. I have been inseminated with a HIV-infected donor sperm**. I have always been a person with very strong faith in God, and thankful for everything He has given me...I shall never lose faith, but right now I am angry, very angry at God. All we wanted was a baby, why did he have to do this to us! My husband is very supportive, and I talk to him a lot. Initially I kept breaking down, but I know that makes him weak too, so I have to be strong for him and myself. **FDA-registered sperm donor banks in the U.S. are required to screen sperm for HIV and other diseases. The Well Project recommends checking sperm donor banks for their screening requirements both in the U.S. and outside of the U.S. Sonia on why she wants to be a part of A Girl Like Me: Since there are not too many people I can share my feelings with, I was happy to find a portal where I can discuss and share whatever my feelings are regarding my newly found status. There are so many questions and emotions in my heart and feedback from a 'circle of friends' will make a whole lot of difference to my life.
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