**Content Warning** This piece discusses suicidal ideation (resources available at the bottom of this page)
Your fellow human beings can turn into your Judas Iscariot at any moment in this lifetime. Having friends who are pretenders and when a situation changes, immediately they switch you off. 😭 They start behaving as if they haven't met you before. And having relatives with whom you have stood during their worst moments, you even denied yourself to make them happy, but when it became your time, each and every one of them disappeared from your life and even behaved like your enemies.
This happened to me some years back. I love making friends and meeting relatives. That is my nature. The moment I decided to be open and share about my status, things turned to the opposite direction. It's not that I called all of them and shared my status. No, it was just rumors, and when a friend or a relative came to confirm, I could not find anything to hide because everyone knew I was positive. Therefore, I found no meaning in lying to them. I had already made my decision and accepted my status.
As they cut off their relationship one by one, it really became painful and hurting, but I kept on moving. I once forced myself on them, visiting them when they never visited me, texting them and they never replied to my texts. I was doing all of this because I was lonely. As I'm staying in the village, it's very hard to be on your own. Sometimes you don't have a match box, salt or any other small things you need for your daily use, and it's late. Yes, maybe you have the money to buy but you forget to buy and it's becoming dark so you can't go to a shop... or maybe you never had the money… so it was a big burden being left alone. I was almost committing suicide, but my kids kept me going.
The moments I was down and needed even a friend to tell me it shall be well, they ignored me. The days I slept, crying, and had no one to turn to... it seemed as if it was my fault. I remember I visited a relative some time ago, and every time I went to the toilet, she washed the toilet and poured a lot of water. 😭😭 It really was very tough. I decided to talk to myself and hope for the best. The moments I encountered in this village strengthened my heart, and the hardship I saw with my two eyes made me strong and sharpened my inner soul. I truly hated to wake up in the morning because I knew my problems had started. 😭😭😭 But I kept on holding on even when I was truly crushed.
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Hi!
I enjoyed this . It hit home. Thank you for your experience and strength I get this alot .The elephant in the conversations for me. It's complicated and shouldn't be. Ugh Stigma.
Stay beautiful!
Woow sis
I am so sorry to hear the ways that you have been treated and the thoughts that you have had to endure. I am sending you SO much love and hope that you continue to build your support system out one by one - even if we are thousands of miles away. Nobody deserves to be lonely. Especially not behind a medical condition.
Yes, Queen!
Wow… sis, I feel every word of this in my bones. 💔 The way you described that loneliness, that betrayal, that heaviness that follows you from sunrise to sunset… that is a pain too many of us with this virus know far too well. People we would’ve gone to war for turned into strangers the moment we needed them most. Some even treated us like we were something to be scrubbed away. I’m so sorry you were made to feel that way.
When I shared my status openly, I watched people I loved walk away like I was suddenly a burden they never signed up for. Friends I held through their darkest nights blocked me. Family I would’ve sacrificed everything for treated me like I was contaminated. Had me fearing myself. And it cuts different when the abandonment comes wrapped in judgment and rumors. That kind of hurt doesn’t just bruise your heart — it rearranges it.
But what you wrote here… the strength in it… the way you kept going for your babies even when your own soul was cracking… THAT is power. THAT is resilience. THAT is the proof that their rejection could not destroy who you were created to be. You didn’t lose yourself in that hurt — you sharpened yourself inside it.
And I hope you know this:
You were never wrong for telling the truth.
You were never wrong for choosing honesty over fear.
And you were never hard to love — they were just too small to hold the space you deserved.
Your story matters. Your voice matters. And even though those around you failed you, you are surrounded here by a community that sees you, honors you, and stands with you fully. You survived what should’ve broken you. You kept showing up for life when life wasn’t showing up for you. That is the kind of strength that inspires others to keep breathing. Inspires others to rise.
Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for surviving this. And thank you for reminding the rest of us that even when people we love turn their backs, we can still rise. ❤️💛🧡
Sending you so much love and light.
xoxo Cupcake 🧁
I read your blog, and it…
I read your blog, and it carried me back to my own journey, back to a time when I was abandoned by my family, ostracised by society, and living in the shadows of a closet I didn’t choose. One day, I decided I would hide no more. Armed with knowledge and courage, I found my voice and shouted from the rooftops for love, dignity, and humanity. I called on people to rise above stigma, to see me for who I truly was.
And today, those very same people stand beside me, respecting the person I have become. I transformed my pain into strength, my journey into something beautiful; like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. I even carry that reminder on my skin, tattooed on my left hand, a symbol of everything I’ve risen from.
Thank you for sharing your experience, raw feeling and your courage to speak.
Warmest tightest (((hugs)))
Continue to push through
I know its easier to say than be done but continue to push through. Stigma will make you isolate yourself and I dont want that for you. Our kids can be our blessings in disguise and dont even know it. You shouldn't be treated in that manner.