I write because I love writing, and I have loved it since I was seven. I am honest about my life, some say too honest. They want me to tone down writing about my life a lot. They want me to change who I am; I am who I am, I am honest, I am truthful, I am raw. The truth is, I am done being silent. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it! I share my stories so they may help others get through what they are going through, letting them know they are not alone. I will tell my stories so that you can see me, see what I have been through to get where I am today. Today, with more determination to fight for a better life. I am Authentically Me.
I am who I am, I am honest, I am truthful, I am raw.
In my opinion, it is your past that makes you who you are today, and my past has made a strong, determined woman who speaks the truth and doesn't sugarcoat shit. I was forced into writing after a horrific ordeal I experienced when I was just seven years old. I was asked to record my true feelings on paper, the fear, the hatred, and all. After doing so, I realized I had a talent for writing in a raw, unfiltered way. From that incident onward, I practiced and grew in my writing abilities. I started becoming a great version of myself, authentically me.
When I was twelve, I broke my neck, racing downhill on a big wheel. It happened on a Friday afternoon in May. They admitted me to the hospital and told me the risks of surgery. Just so happens, one of the nurses on the floor where they admitted me was a member of my church. On her lunch break, she came into my room, and we got on our knees and prayed. Little did I know this was just the beginning of the hell my life was about to experience.
A little while later, I had a vision. Here is the short version of it:
My vision was of Jesus and Satan, who were both fighting over my soul. Jesus told Satan you cannot have her soul; we have special plans for her life. Satan looked me dead in my soul and said, I am going to make her life a living hell. Jesus said do as you wish, there is nothing that she cannot overcome.
From that day forward, I knew my life was going to be hard as hell, but I also knew that I would survive all that life had in store for me. Part of my mission in life is to write, which is also my passion, and so I write raw and only the truth. No matter how hard it is to write, I have to remain authentically me.
At the age of fourteen, I thought it couldn't get any worse. It started with me walking away from a fight, and the girl who initiated the fight ran up behind me and hit me in the back of the head with a 2X4 piece of wood. I was taken to the hospital, where I found out I had broken my neck a second time, and I also found out I was pregnant. Because I was only in my first trimester, the doctors could not perform the surgery until my second trimester. So, I was fitted with a Halo Brace to keep my neck from moving until the surgery. Months passed at the speed of light, and it was time for my surgery.
I knew my life was going to be hard as hell, but I also knew that I would survive all that life had in store for me.
The doctors operated on my neck and repaired the break; however, during surgery, I lost too much blood and needed a blood transfusion. They gave me two pints of blood, but other than that, the surgery was a success, but at what cost…I was soon to find out. When I returned to the doctor for my six-month pregnancy check-up, I was told I needed to get an HIV test. I agreed, and two weeks later, I found out I had HIV. The devil tried to break me, life had it in for me, but my positive attitude towards life and my resilience kept me authentically me.
Tragedies were not done with me yet. When I was seven months along in my pregnancy, I got the call, you know that dreaded call that changes your life forever. My fiancée, the baby's daddy, was killed on his way back to Nashville. He had been working a construction job in Kentucky. On his way back, the van he was riding in, along with five of his work crew, was killed when a drunk driver ran the van off the road into a deep ravine, where it exploded, trapping and burning all six crew members and the driver to their deaths.
Now comes the hard times, because of my broken neck, having to wear the neck brace, and being pregnant, I couldn't do much on my own. So, my mother had to quit her job to take care of me. This led to us being evicted from our home when I was seven months pregnant, not long after finding out about my fiancée. Thank God that one of our neighbors allowed us to stay in her garage, so that is where we lived for the next two months until I went into labor. The Saturday morning I went into labor, the ambulance came to the garage to pick me up and take me to the hospital. Finally, after 56 hours of labor, on Monday evening, she arrived, my beautiful baby girl. The first time I held her, I thought about all the hell I had been through during this pregnancy, and suddenly it was all worth it. Now, when I write, I continue to be honest and raw, and most of all, be authentically me.
