**Content Warning** This piece discusses suicidal ideation (resources available at the bottom of this page)
Your fellow human beings can turn into your Judas Iscariot at any moment in this lifetime. Having friends who are pretenders and when a situation changes, immediately they switch you off. 😭 They start behaving as if they haven't met you before. And having relatives with whom you have stood during their worst moments, you even denied yourself to make them happy, but when it became your time, each and every one of them disappeared from your life and even behaved like your enemies.
This happened to me some years back. I love making friends and meeting relatives. That is my nature. The moment I decided to be open and share about my status, things turned to the opposite direction. It's not that I called all of them and shared my status. No, it was just rumors, and when a friend or a relative came to confirm, I could not find anything to hide because everyone knew I was positive. Therefore, I found no meaning in lying to them. I had already made my decision and accepted my status.
As they cut off their relationship one by one, it really became painful and hurting, but I kept on moving. I once forced myself on them, visiting them when they never visited me, texting them and they never replied to my texts. I was doing all of this because I was lonely. As I'm staying in the village, it's very hard to be on your own. Sometimes you don't have a match box, salt or any other small things you need for your daily use, and it's late. Yes, maybe you have the money to buy but you forget to buy and it's becoming dark so you can't go to a shop... or maybe you never had the money… so it was a big burden being left alone. I was almost committing suicide, but my kids kept me going.
The moments I was down and needed even a friend to tell me it shall be well, they ignored me. The days I slept, crying, and had no one to turn to... it seemed as if it was my fault. I remember I visited a relative some time ago, and every time I went to the toilet, she washed the toilet and poured a lot of water. 😭😭 It really was very tough. I decided to talk to myself and hope for the best. The moments I encountered in this village strengthened my heart, and the hardship I saw with my two eyes made me strong and sharpened my inner soul. I truly hated to wake up in the morning because I knew my problems had started. 😭😭😭 But I kept on holding on even when I was truly crushed.
If you or someone you know would like resources or support in relation to the themes above, please see:
