It’s been 2 months since my diagnosis and I am so confused. I got infected early 2010. I have not begun taking any medicines. My doctor has recommended some immunity shots and some vitamins before my next meeting with him. Since this is something I have not been able to talk about to the people around me, all I have done in the last few weeks is a lot of research on the internet. I am not sure if that has brought me relief or made me feel more afraid of what lies ahead. Maybe, a little bit of both. Scared because it is a painful reality that is going to be a part of me forever and ever. Relief from knowing that millions of women around the world are fighting this reality and living their lives with dignity as wives, girlfriends, daughters and mothers.
I have to take my next viral load and CD4 count test soon. I am nervous. How much will my viral load have increased in 3 months? How much would have my CD4 count dropped from the last test? It took me so many weeks to stop my tears, and now will this take me back to that moment when I first saw my test results and my head started to spin and I felt my heart sinking so low, that it hurt. To make myself feel better, I go back and read several times over the articles and blogs from women who are fighting and surviving HIV. I draw courage from their strength, confidence from their attitude and faith from their stories. I aspire to be like them.