The Covid Vaccine

I recently decided to get the Covid vaccine. When it first started being administered I decided I was going to wait to see what happened to everyone else who got it. I didn't trust it. I felt it was rushed, it was still being tested (basically on us). I was scared. I was scared of what might happen to me if I were to get this vaccine. I'm not one to take medicine like that. I don't even get the flu shot.

A lot of people will say, "well you should be scared to get Covid". I did have Covid; my whole family did. We started showing symptoms the week after the entire world went into lockdown. Third week in March of 2020. For me, I was a little more fatigued than usual and had completely lost my sense of smell and taste for about a week. My husband had a very slight fever for a day or so, kind of like a cold. My daughter had some sniffles and a little cough thank goodness. My in-laws, who live downstairs from us, got sick too. My father in law had it the worst and my husband had to take him to the hospital. It was terrifying. I wouldn't even leave my house to walk the dogs without a mask and gloves on.

I am STILL very much scared of Covid. Sure, I didn't get too sick the first time, but who knows what could happen if i were to get it again? We had one Covid scare after Thanksgiving and I almost had a nervous breakdown. None of us got sick luckily, but those first couple of days I cried so much.

I'm terrified of catching Covid or my family catching Covid. I've been contemplating getting the vaccine for a few weeks. Going back and forth in my mind. Until one morning I was thinking to myself, why? Why don't I trust this vaccine? I have been living a healthy life with HIV for the last six years because of my medicine. Because of the hard work of doctors and how far science and technology have come over the years. What once was a death sentence is now a chronic manageable condition. How can I trust my HIV meds but not trust this vaccine? Well I did the first shot. At the end of the month I go for my second and that's the one I'm scared for. I've heard the possible side effects and I HATE being sick. I very rarely get sick. I do my best to take care of myself but this is something that's pretty much out of my control.

I'm doing it though. I'm doing it because I am so freaking over Covid. I want to get back to some kind of normal. I want to walk around without a damn mask on. I want my kid to be able to go to school and smile at her friends, hold hands and hug and play without a damn mask on. I don't want to be scared of getting sick and dying all the time. As the world starts to return to some resemblance of life pre-Covid, I have hope that we can put this experience behind us soon. Maybe me getting the vaccine will help that happen and give me some peace of mind.

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Covid & HIV

still_hiding's picture

When this pandemic first hit, I was paranoid. I was terrified. I started getting agoraphobia. I would argue with my oldest daughter on an almost daily basis because she was coming in and out of the apartment. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my entire life.  The only person that knows my status is my sister whom I told a little over a year ago. I contacted my doctor to see what would happen if I got Covid. I knew several people that got it really badly. My doctor reassured me and told me what would happen if I were to get covid and my daily medication on how it would be administered to me.  In March 2021, my coworker told me she was trying to get an appt for the shot but it was booked. I was at ths point, thinking of getting the shot. I told her that I wish we could get the shot together. She asked me "If I can get an appt, do you want me to make one for you?" I said yes. She calls me back and told me that, miraculousy, our appt. was for the very next day. I had no time to think, change my mind or anything. I recieved the vaccine, and thankfully, neither I nor my coworker had side effects. Not even with the second shot. Everyone reacts differently to things but I was so happy that I did not get ill. I still am very scared of going outside but I push myself out that door. Sometimes panic sets in but I just take a few deep breathes, listen to music and go because I do not want to be stuck in my apt. for the rest of my life.  Getting this vaccine was a choice. I was one that was against it but I got it for my own sanity.

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