See, a girl like me, living in a cruel cold world…with little to no backbone support. After the therapy and the constant heartbreaks, how can I continue to educate and be strong? The lonely nights in my room, pillow full of tears. Trying my best not to drown in sorrow. I wonder sometimes, would my life be much smoother if I didn't become an HIV advocate? I feel so dumb and so useless.
My life has been chaotic ever since I made the choice to be the voice for the voiceless. I feel as if my heart is too big for my body at times. I often question, "Why was I blessed with this gift?" To love and help others while I'm suffering on the inside. Most people enjoy the "wrong attention" but I don't. I don't want to be known to the world as "The girl living with HIV". It seems as if that has become my description to most. Although it's a discrepancy between "The girl living with HIV" and "The bomb ass mom who lives honestly"; they often feel the same. I choose not to let my diagnosis define me but everyone around me seems to be confused.
I figure it's time to change my environment and the people I choose to be around. Including the Family that wasn't chosen by me. They don't always have your best interest at heart. You would think they would, being that we share the same bloodline and last name. It's time to focus on my kids and happiness and leave the advocacy business alone. Especially being that it's a competition surrounding those who lead in their community.