I decided to stand up strong and defeat stigma because my situation was getting worse every day. I would go to my clinic hiding my face and the day before visiting the clinic I didn't sleep. I kept on thinking how will I do tomorrow?? Who will I meet there? Not forgetting almost half of my friends and relatives knew I was positive.
To be clear, the day I was diagnosed, I was very confused and frustrated. I didn't know where to go, whom to turn to, whom to talk to... so I decided to tell my mother-in-law. I believed she could keep a secret but I don't know what happened to her. I don't know even if she also had stress, I don't know. She told some few relatives without knowing they would spread the news... Before she knew it, the news was all over, but I already forgave her.
She passed away some six years ago, but I feel that I wish she could have been alive to see how strong I have become, how beautiful my kids are. Rest easy Moma.
Back to my hiding, I was very busy hiding and the whole village knew I was positive. But God sent me an angel, a certain woman, I can call her a true neighbour. She came pretending to visit me. During our talk she insisted that I can't hide my status, everybody in this village is positive, why should I hide my status? Therefore, I kept on wondering why is this woman telling me that?? So I asked her a question, You mean you are positive?? She told me yessss, very energetic, confident, and openly, and then she added, "Even you are positive." I said "I'm not, and who told you??" She told me in a very low tone, "Your mother in-law told my sister." I was shocked, and after a good talk with her she left.
Guess what?? I became more and more bitter but what I did in a mature way, I never went to ask my mother-in-law, and that's when I realized stigma is real... I don't know whether the lady spread around the conversation we had, but she kept on visiting me, so I was confused, and I never even bothered to ask her. I was stigmatized to my last tears. All my friends I had cut off the friendship and ignored me. My relatives were even worse... and remember I was still hiding... until one day I was urinating in a certain bush, it was around 7.00pm, almost getting dark. I was from the market, you know in the village we urinate everywhere so two ladies followed me, and I heard one lady asking the other to wait for her she wanted to urinate. The lady who was supposed to wait for her cautioned her "Don't urinate there, you will be infected with HIV. Have you not seen mama........ urinating there? You want to die??" Surely, I felt very bad...I lacked even the tears to cry. I only said one thing "Be strong, Caro."
I can relate so much with…
I can relate so much with your community finding out your status. I was born with HIV but was told at age of 15 my diagnosis. I shared my status with someone who I thought was a friend. Once that happened I learned how to mask my reaction to people asking my status to the point they believed I did not have HIV. I can share with you today I am happy to be a 35 year old women living healthy with HIV. I know it takes time to get here, but it is freeing. Thank you for sharing.