The below is part two of a two-part blog. Read part one.
Surely I felt very bad. I lacked even tears to cry. I only said one thing, "Be strong, Caro." 💪 And that was when my journey started... I went home that day and I cooked. After I had served my family, I pretended I was having a stomach ache, therefore I could eat later. They didn't know what was going on. To tell the truth, I had lost my appetite. So they ate and went to sleep as usual. That night I didn't sleep, I didn't cry, but that one night gave me the strength that I'm having today. I slept hungry because of stigma. I promised myself, "I will stand up and fight for my peace."💪
I decided to go where I didn't like going... visiting my clinics without hiding my face. One step at a time, it really helped me.
People who are living in villages, especially in my country, can tell you how hard it is to stay in the society knowing that you are HIV positive. It's better to stay in towns and cities where everyone minds their business. I had gone through a lot previously before I encountered my turning point. My fellow women had abused me, tortured me... I remember there was a time when, after taking my kids to school, if I didn't have anywhere to go and hustle, I would lock my door and just stay inside to avoid torture and shame. I have a three year old son. The way he was being treated as he played with other kids really broke my heart. It was a situation where you could easily tell their parents lectured them. My son is HIV-negative, strong, and healthy, but the kids could behave arrogant towards him... bully him until he returned at home crying... so I decided to keep my son at home. I usually buy some toys for him to play with, saving him from the heartless friends. 😭 Since then, he plays alone, waiting for his elder sister to be back from school. I'm happy nowadays because he is also happy.
Back to my turning point… As I had promised myself to be strong, I decided to go where I didn't like going, like meetings, village gatherings, and even visiting my clinics without hiding my face. One step at a time, it really helped me. I gained courage to accept my status after being stigmatized, even with the people I couldn't imagine… Would you really imagine a close relative telling you, "If I was told to pick HIV or death, I better choose death." 😭😭
The reasons that led me to stand up and say no to stigma was bitter to swallow. I'm very happy and comfortable right now, leaving the people that thought I would die wondering what happened to me, facing every day with joy and laughter, ❤️💪 having a full appetite. My kids are doing good. Though my son plays at our home, when you see him, you just see him glowing and healthy.
To tell the truth, there were bitter moments. But I buried them and gained happiness and joy in my life. I'm positive, yes. I have accepted my status, yes. And I strongly say a big NO to stigma. Let us unite, stand up and help those innocent women being stigmatized. Because of stigma, they fear even visiting hospitals. I was once there. It's hard. Stigma stays under my feet now. I always step on it as I march to a free world where we will all talk one language: "NO TO STIGMA" 💪💪💪💪
