I like this space, for 1 reason. I don't have to be strong when I write here, I don't have to hide any shame or fear, I can bring down the walls I cave myself in, even if its just for a while. Right now I don't feel so strong, I'm scared... Terrified more than the day I found out I have the virus, more than the day I buried my friend thinking I was next. But fear can either cripple me or make me brave... Sometimes I feel both. But right now I feel brave. Why am I terrified? Well God has a weird sense of humour, my daughter(11yrs old) has been researching about HIV; why? I don't know. But it made me realise... It's time I disclose to her even if I don't know how she'll respond. I'm confident with her level of awareness about the virus but I'm not confident about her reaction to my disclosure. How do I tell her that her beautiful, genius, invincible, multitasking mom has the virus? How do I break the news to her without breaking her? That's what's terrifying me... Sometimes I wish I could have left her in foster care. Pray for me as I embark on the hardest task ever given to me...
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