My heart broke
I can't believe it. My heart tore, then broke, and BOOM! I am beating on my chest, crying, and screaming, Oh My God! PLEASE HELP ME! Thank God I was initially on the phone with a friend who encouraged me to call 911. "911, what's your emergency?" said Dispatch. "I don’t know if I'm having a panic attack or a heart attack." I said frantically. I could not believe that for the first time in my life I'm on the phone with 911 with a REAL life emergency. "Do you want Ambulance or Fire Fighter ma'am?" asked dispatch. "Ambulance, ambulance, ambulance," I muttered. I just couldn't seem to catch my breath. I thought if I would try to remain calm that my heart would stop pounding so hard. It did for a second, then the squeezing started up again. "OH MY GOD! PLEASE HELP MEEEEE!!!!" I screamed. I opened my car door gasping for air. I could not breathe! I thought maybe fresh air would help. It didn't. "Ma'am what's the address you're at?" asked dispatch.
I could barely think. I'm certain at this point I was losing oxygen to my brain. "I'm at the red and black gas station." I start crying because I can not explain where I'm at but I knew where I was. I was at the Texaco! I'm thinking where is the ambulance and this is taking too long. I begin whispering, "Please help me…" Dispatch starts screaming and wailing. Another lady comes on the line while I hear the other lady calling on Jesus, praying, and crying in the background. I begin thinking I'm about to die. I say it, "I feel like I'm about to die. This hurts soooooo bad. Please help me." "Ma'am do you hear the ambulance? Do you see them? What's your name? What's your home address? Where are you?" Sooooo many questions dispatch is asking. I'm so frustrated at this point I get quiet. I begin whispering, "I think I hear them."
Paramedics arrive. Now I've had many panic attacks over the years, NONE of which ever hurt! The paramedics are kneeled down at the foot of my door saying they think I'm having a panic attack and asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I felt like these were stupid questions. I just grabbed my things, closed my car door, locked it and climbed onto the stretcher. I told them to take me to GRADY because I DON'T KNOW IF I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK OR A PANIC ATTACK. It took the paramedic a few minutes before he decided to give me baby aspirin. I felt like he thought I was just being a drama queen. No one to tell me it's going to be ok was a sad moment so I told it to myself. Upon my arrival to the hospital, the paramedics say it again! Now I’m pissed! "She says she's having a panic attack," said the paramedic. The pain strikes again! I'm surrounded by maybe 8 people. I grab the closest one to me and yell,"I DON’T KNOW IF I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK OR HEART ATTACK! OH MY GOD! PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE HELP ME!"
By this time they have cut my clothes off.
Another guy with an Indian accent calmly says very loud, "Ok ma'am! You're having a heart attack! Let's go, let's go, let's go!"
Ever since that day my heart has been healing like a double entendre. I'm now overprotective of my heart. The meaning of healing a heart that cannot be replaced unless someone else dies and gives you theirs.
I had something called Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection or a SCAD heart attack. There's nothing you can do to prevent it and some never experience a heart attack as a result of the tear. It happens to those who are healthy and at times strikingly young or pregnant. I AM NOT PREGNANT but I'm young-ish. No cholesterol, no blood pressure, and regular stresses of being a parent and in college. They do think hormones play a huge role but my hyperthyroidism has been under control for 8 years.
As my heart has been healing I never realized how much my emotions affect my heart. If I saw someone sad it hurt, laughter hurt, every feeling outside of being calm or asleep hurt. It's been an interesting journey to recovering, nevertheless I'm grateful to still be here. Walking has been challenging, no lifting, just to cook a meal is a field trip. These last two weeks have been my strongest. I don't look like what I'm going through. I'm still pushing through but I still have some time to heal on my road to recovery. Thank you in advance for the well wishes, love, and light.
Remember, be kind to everyone because everyone is battling something.