Today was a busy day for me but I finally got a minute to sit down and think. I deal with depression so much that I always second guess my emotions when I feel any way other than sad. I woke up, got dressed and started to look around for the items I planned on giving away to the members of the support group that I attend. I didn't eat anything, I didn't make myself a cup of coffee, I just threw my stuff in a bag and ran out the house. I made it safely to my destination and I started to help set up. As the women arrived one by one, we shared hugs and settled into our safe space. We all started to do our check in. Share one good thing and one bad thing that has happened in your life since the last time we met. It's been a while since I've seen some of these ladies and I'm surprised by some of what they share. One of the women takes this time to say how blessed she is to still be with us. She says that she spent ten months of 2019 in the hospital fighting death.
My story has never included any extended hospital stays so I can't say I know how it feels to fight for my life. I feel sadness trying to push its way to the surface but I choose to change my focus. I'm in a place in my life where HIV is not even in my daily thoughts. There was a time before when I was stuck on how sorry I felt for myself. Listening to others speak about how it could be makes me take a minute to reflect. I'm living a life that I love and spending my days happily. I get to watch my beautiful, smart daughter experience life in ways that I was never bold enough to even dream about. I can admit that today I'm at peace. Today, I'm not depressed. Today, I'm happy. I will worry about how I feel tomorrow when it gets here, but today I'm okay.