Five months back, I had taken an IMPULSE decision of relocating from my comfort zone of Nagpur to the hustle and bustle of the metropolis of BANGALORE. After all, I am a metropolis girl and Nagpur was a small city. A few years of staying there had me adapted to its conservative life of a very laid-back town. Until one fine day, my mind started to question "What do you see five years from now?"
It was a wake-up call. The realization dawned that there is nothing, absolutely nothing left for me in Nagpur. I don't have a future there. And five years down the line, I don't want to regret the things I didn't do more than the things I did. I don't want to be confined – I love wearing a sexy dress, high heels, parties, love my drinks, dancing, long night rides, etc. etc. – these things are missing in the small city.
May, I decided to move to Bangalore
June, packers and movers bought my household stuff
July, I celebrated my birthday in my new home (rented)
August, I got terminated from my job. And in the same month, my lab test report showed a sharp drop of CD4 – from a good 810 to 204!! But thankfully, I am still undetectable.
September- still searching for employment
At the time of typing this, my mind asked: "What have you lost and what have you gained? What have you learned from this move?"
And my strong self answered:
- Despite termination and searching for a job, I don't regret the move. In fact, I am enjoying my time in between, doing my own things, exploring, getting to know Bangalore's every nook and corner, pub-hopping, and meeting my friends for their house parties, something that I have missed in my five years in Nagpur.
- My CD4 decline taught me about "nutrition". I am severely "nutrient deficient". Hence I watch what goes on my plate, the portions, and the "calorie deficit."
- Yes, money is always a case of worry, but as long as I am utilizing it well and correctly, I don't have to worry regarding my finances despite being unemployed. I am pushing my boundaries, emailing my CVs, messaging my friends, and even putting it up on the job portals.
- Unlike Nagpur, where I have to battle everything alone, here I have my friends who watch out for me. In fact, I had a good circle of friends who helped in contributing to my food until I get hired.
So... my advice is:
Be willing to take risk
Be willing to take a challenge
Be willing to face the fear of change – for big risks can bring big rewards.
Yes, HIV is ALWAYS going to be there, and FATIGUE is always going to be there, but the "fulfilling" step of FEELING ALIVE is what will make your life worthwhile! I took the risk, knowing it is going to be a "costly" move, and though it didn't completely take away the fear, it certainly pushed me through it. And believe me, nothing is more satisfying than actually doing the things that I have always wanted to do.
I love this so much! Talk about stepping out on faith! Congrats and joy to you. Work will come and you will be even better than before! Good luck friend! So proud of you!!